


Take a Hint

by RealityOfTheMatter



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealityOfTheMatter/pseuds/RealityOfTheMatter
Summary: An LITG Detective AU - “He’s a gorgeous man working full-time as a well-established detective in a city that barely sleeps. I’m shocked he’s not working tonight. It’s incredibly rare that he takes time off and I feel like I haven’t seen him in months...”Nia has known Nicky since she was six years old and has been helplessly in love with him ever since. It didn’t stop when he moved away for college, it didn’t stop when he became a detective, and it didn’t stop the night her world was turned upside down.But there’s still someone out there trying to get rid of him. The question is who and why? And just how far is Nia willing to go once she finds out this hasn’t been a one-way street afterall.Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.Please feel free to ask if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.
Relationships: Nicky/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 27





	1. Live A Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An LITG Detective AU - “He’s a gorgeous man working full-time as a well-established detective in a city that barely sleeps. I’m shocked he’s not working tonight. It’s incredibly rare that he takes time off and I feel like I haven’t seen him in months...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences. 
> 
> However this particular chapter does not include any of the above. 
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.

Part I: 

“Should you really be having another drink?” I ask Rachel, cautiously eyeing the shot glass in her hand.

She laughs and throws it back without bothering to respond to me, she licks the salt from the back of her hand and grins at me, “Chill, Nia. It’s not like I’m driving.” 

I frown, glancing at my car keys that she carelessly left on the bar. The floor is slightly swaying beneath my feet and the music is forcing my heart to beat to an unsteady rhythm. She convinced me to take a couple shots and she’d drive home instead. But now I’m confused. 

“But _I’ve_ been drinking and _you’ve_ been drinking,” I say, glancing towards our friends on the dance floor with a grimace, “Harry, Miki, and Tom have _definitely_ been drinking. How are we getting home?” 

“My brother’s coming,” Rachel responds with a shrug, swooping up the car keys and juggling them in my face with a grin, “Won’t even be needing these tonight. He’ll take us home, I’ll come back for the car in the morning.” 

“Wha… what?” I blink rapidly, my hand coming to rest over my heart as my eyes struggle to follow the keys that are in my face for no apparent reason. 

The uneasiness I felt earlier is now magnified by a hundred as I play with the small golden chain around my neck, “Your… brother? Is coming here? Tonight? Like right now?” 

Rachel giggles and playful shoves my shoulder, “That’s what I said, girl,” she starts making kissy faces at me, “Why? Are you excited to see him?” 

I feel my cheeks flush and I shake my head much too quickly, stumbling backwards and having to catch Rachel’s outstretched hand to regain my composure. 

She laughs, pulling me back towards the bar, “You need to sit down before you fall.” 

“You’re probably right,” I wince, but unfortunately none of the stools are available. I’m forced to lean against the bar with Rachel, wishing I wore my usual sneakers instead of these black heels. 

But now that I know her brother is coming, I’m glad that I didn’t. And luckily, the alcohol has helped dull any pain that these shoes may have caused. 

“Hey, shawty,” Rachel calls out to the bartender, who’s busy with other customers. But he hears her and laughs, glancing in her direction with a smile. 

“Can we get another round, babe? For me and my girl,” Rachel asks him, leaning forward with a cheeky grin. 

He nods and winks at her, shaking up a margarita before pouring it into a glass for the other customers. He wipes the bar clean before making his way over to us, our shots are fixed quickly and smoothly. 

He slides them in front of us, his eyes on Rachel, “Made with love. Just for you.” 

“Please,” Rachel laughs, picking up her shot before leaning on her shoulder towards him. I can barely see in the dimly lit bar but I can tell her eyes are drifting over him, “Tell me more about how you go about making love instead.” 

Ugh. They’ve been flirting all night.

I sigh and shake my head as the bartender eyes go wide before a sly grin crosses his face. He grabs a napkin, presumably writing his number down and sliding it towards her. 

“Call me after my shift and I’ll tell you all about it. Two o’clock,” he winks at her, making her giggle as she takes the napkin. He heads down to the other end of the bar as someone else fights for his attention.

“Are you really going to call him tonight with your brother around?” I ask her after he walks away. 

Rachel laughs, “I don’t know. Let me think about it after I take this.” 

She grins at me and gestures for me to join her by picking up my own shot. We tap them together, following the shot taking ritual before taking it back. 

The tequila burns my throat and my face scrunches immediately, reminded of too many nights when that taste ended in disaster. 

“So are you gonna holla at my brother tonight or nah?” Rachel asks, sitting her glass back on the counter. 

“ _Rachel_ ,” I whin, knowing my cheeks are red under the light foundation on my face, “You know I don’t like your brother like that… Anymore.” 

So _maybe_ I had a (not so) secret crush on my best friend’s brother since I was a little girl. And the thought of him arriving here sometime tonight still sends flutters all the way down to my toes. 

She snorts and laughs, fluffing her hair, “Sure. And I don’t like Tai _anymore_. And yet, who’s phone am I about to drunk-text tonight?” 

I frown, “You know you shouldn’t do that.” 

“And you know you’re still crushing on my brother,” She replies, pulling her phone from her pocket, “And you should try to talk to him. You’re not a little girl any more,” she grins at me, “You know that right?” 

“Yeah, but dating your best friend’s brother can be messy,” I mumble, looking down. The truth is I still feel like I’m too young for him. I’m 23, in my last year of art school and he’s 27, a gorgeous man working full-time as a well-established detective in a city that barely sleeps. 

Frankly, I’m shocked he’s not working tonight. It’s incredibly rare that he takes time off and I feel like I haven’t seen him in months. 

“Oh, please,” Rachel chuckles, waving off my excuse as if it means nothing, “I’m the walking definition of messy. Trust me, there’s nothing the two of you can come up with that’s worse than something I’ve already done.” 

I frown, tilting my head at her, “Is that really something to brag about?” 

“Probably not,” she shrugs and grins at me, “But is pining over someone your whole life something to brag about either?” 

“I’m not pining over your brother,” I snap, wrapping my arms around myself. But the truth is all the boyfriends, the could-have-been one-night stands, and the cuties at the club? Well, none of them could match his swagger or the beauty of his features or the way he moved. 

He invades my thoughts so often that I’m not comfortable keeping a boyfriend for long. I’m constantly having a one-way emotional affair with a man who’s been in my life for years, but I’ve barely even had more than a few moments alone with him. 

But between his witty charm, playful eyes, and voice like velvet, I’ve been faithful to one man and one man only. And that man is Nicky Horne. 

And tonight he’s on his way to see me. 

I mean his sister… 

Wait…

_He’s on his way?!_

“Rachel!” I squeal over whatever it was she was about to say and she looks at me with an arched brow, suddenly concerned. 

“Oh my god, Nicky’s on the way, isn’t he?” I tell her, panic shooting up my spine. 

“Uh,” Rachel glances sideways before nodding her head, “Yeah. Didn’t we establish that, like, ten minutes ago?” 

I ignore her question, grabbing her by the hand and immediately drag her towards the neon signs hanging over the restroom. 

“Wait, wait,” She slurs, struggling to keep stride as we push through the crowd, “Where are we going?” 

“To the bathroom!” I reply like duh. We eventually make our way to the wooden door and I push it open, nearly hitting a girl who’s on the way out. 

“Oops! Sorry!” I squeak, blushing as she shots me a stank eye in passing. 

“Hey, watch where you’re going, bitch,” Rachel snaps, narrowing her eyes at the girl as she walks away. 

“Rachel, hush!” I tell her, dragging her inside and hoping the girl didn’t actually hear that, “That was totally my fault.” 

“I don’t care,” She says, crossing her arms over her chest before coming to lean against the bathroom counter, “She better watch where she’s going, about to run you over. Like I won’t fuck her up.” 

I sigh. Rachel’s attitude was part of the reason why I loved her, but sometimes it could get a little out of hand. 

“That’s not necessary, babe,” I tell her, walking up to the mirror and sitting my crossbody on the counter as I stare at my reflection. 

“What are we in here for anyway if you don’t have to pee?” Rachel asks with a frown, turning around to join me in the stare off competition with my reflection. 

I glance at her from the corner of my eyes, feeling my cheeks grow warmer. I’m not sure if it’s from the alcohol, my embarrassment, or heat from the stuffy bathroom. 

“I just needed to check on my makeup,” I reply simply, turning back to the mirror as I run a hand through my short haircut, fluffing the silky curls on top of my head. 

“Oh,” She says and shrugs before I see the realization cross her face and she shoots a grin at me, “ _Ooooh_.” 

“Stop it,” I tell her, biting my lip as I rubbage through my small purse. 

“I didn’t say anything,” she chuckles, watching as I pull out a tube of lipgloss. I run the sparkly nude color over my lips, rubbing them together before making a satisfying popping sound. 

“Juicy lips, check,” Rachel checks an imaginary box in the air before grinning at me. I roll my eyes, but can’t help but to smile. 

I allow myself to look over my features in the mirror, it’s more difficult than it should be to focus on myself. But I can tell that my freckles are peeking out through the light foundation, lips are now glossy and “juicy,” according to Rachel. My golden highlight is popping and surprisingly, I don’t look sweaty and gross. However, that could just be the alcohol blurring my vision. 

But the most important thing is that I look like a woman. A good looking woman who deserves the attention of a man like Nicky. 

Although… I frown, tilting my head at my reflection. My cheeks are still round and I’ve always had a serious case of baby-face. The freckles didn’t necessarily help with that. 

And now that I think about it, my sudden bravo seems pointless. 

“What?” Rachel comes over, resting her chin on my shoulder as she wraps her arms around my waist, “What’s wrong, girl? You look good.” 

“Yeah,” I sigh, my voice sounding far away as I lean my head against her soft kinky hair, “I guess. But… I don’t know.” 

“Don’t be like that,” she says, giving me a squeeze before letting me go, “You’re gorgeous. Besides…” 

Rachel grins at me in the mirror and I arch my brow right before she smacks me on the ass. I squeal in surprise as her hand connects and she laughs, “You got a fatty, girl. Especially in this dress.” 

“Plus,” she grabs her own breasts and jiggles them at me, “It makes the girls look good too.” 

“Can you stop?” I say with laugh, blushing hard now. But I have to admit I don’t feel quite as insecure as I did a moment before. The black dress I’m wearing is skin tight and part of the reason why I wasn’t on the dance floor. The slightest sway of my hips and the hem of my dress headed northward. 

I wasn’t necessarily trying to flash anyone tonight. But if I had to be wearing anything with Nicky around, I’m glad it’s in a dress for once. It seems like he usually only shows up when I’m in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, looking like I just rolled off the couch and bumped my head, falling into a mix match puddle of paint on my way to open the door to the flat Rachel and I share. 

You can only imagine my dismay when it’s unexpectedly him on the other side of the door. 

“Live a little, Nia,” Rachel laughs and I shake my head with a chuckle. 

“I’m trying,” I say, pulling the hem of my dress down over my thighs and turning in the mirror to look over my shoulder. Just to see what I was working with. I was attempting to get out of the friend zone tonight, even if it was only an inch. 

“Yasss, girl!” Rachel squeals and snaps her fingers at me, “ _Work_ . _It_. My brother doesn’t stand a chance.” 

I laugh and hide my face in my hands, “This isn’t about him.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” She rolls her eyes and grins at me, “I can’t wait for your wedding day and we look back on this night.” 

I try to fight the smile on my face as I look at her deadpan, “You’re so embarrassing.” 

“Whatever,” Rachel laughs, checking her phone as it vibrates in her hand. The light highlights her face as she glances up at me with a smirk, “But guess who’s here.” 

* * *

Part II:

I’m a bundle of nerves as we make our way out of the bathroom, cutting through the crowd as we head back towards the bar. 

“He isn’t still dating that girl?” I lean over to attempt some loud version of a whisper in Rachel’s ear, our arms linked together, “Is he?” 

“Who?” She replies, arching her brow as she thinks, “Elladine? Lily?”

“Yeah, Lily,” I reply, biting my lip. Rachel is definitely drunk if she’s thinking all the way back to Elladine. They broke up roughly two years ago. Trust me, I’ve been keeping count. 

But Lily was recent. He invited her over for dinner at our flat a couple months ago. If he was bringing her over to meet his sister, I knew he was considering a long-term relationship. He wasn’t the type of man to one-night them or waste his time. Or at least to my knowledge. It’s not like he’d tell me if he did or not. 

She shrugs, “I don’t know honestly. He hasn’t really talked about her lately.” 

I frown, that wasn’t necessarily comforting. But at least that means whatever was going on with his love life wasn’t official. Rachel would know if it was, but the problem is that she’d egg me on to make a move on Nicky even if it was. 

She’s always had a hunch about my feelings towards him, calling me out when I’d much rather play video games with him than hang out in her room whatever I got to spend the night on the weekends back in the day. Rachel would watch us from the couch, bored as he taught me how to use the controller for the various different games he collected over the years. 

He’s the reason why I’m saving up for the new playstation. But he and I haven’t played games together in _years_. 

Thinking back on it, I’m sure I aggravated the hell out of him. I’d always make up some kind of excuse to be close to him. It’s embarrassing to think about little ole me, missing my two front teeth and following him around the house like a lost puppy. But he never pushed me away and his smile was the most welcoming thing in the world when I walked into a room. 

He made my heart happy before I even knew what love was.

My crush on Nicky honestly wasn’t much of a secret to women in his family. Rachel is the closest thing I have to a sister, being an only child, so she knows me better than anyone else. And their mom could see straight through me like I had hearts taped over my eyes and she thought my childish crush was harmless and cute. 

I had a feeling Ms. Horne always plotted for the two of us to end up together eventually.

It just never happened. Age difference was always an issue. When I got to high school, he had already graduated. That didn’t stop me from trying to act more mature than what I actually was and I hate that quality about me is something that stems from a pitiful attempt at a man’s attention. But it comes in handy now. 

And what really sucks is that once I was finally old enough, Elladine was on his arm. I honestly thought they were going to end up getting married after they moved in together. 

I was even there to help them move the furniture into their new flat. Needless to say I cried myself to sleep that night. 

But hopefully tonight will be different.

My heart starts hammering out of tune with the beat of the music as I see the top of his kinky hair from over the crowd as Rachel and I approach. He’s standing up against the bar as Harry and Miki chat beside him, Tom sitting on the stool beside him. Nicky’s head is tilted towards them, but it’s like some invisible force lets him know my eyes are on him.

He glances towards me with disarming brown eyes and a smile that makes me melt and weak in the knees. He raises a glass of some brown liquor to his lips as his eyes light up at the sight of catching my eyes on him. 

His lips upturn into his signature smirk and he winks at me, making me blush as butterflies come to life and I swear he knows every thought I’ve ever had about him when I lay alone at night. 

“Nia,” he basically sings my name over the music as he leans up from the bar to pull me into a hug. 

“Heya, Nicky,” I bite my lip, trying to control the size of my smile as I wrap my arms around his waist and ravish in the feeling of his muscular arms around me. We sway slightly as he squeezes me tight and I’m still wishing for some way to get even closer to him.

“Long time no see,” he grins at me as he pulls away, his fingertips casually lingering down the length of my arms before he holds my hands and tilts his head to get a better look at me. His eyes drift over me from head to toe and I can’t even begin to describe the feeling that courses through my body, hoping this little black dress is giving him thoughts he’s never had before. 

But I can’t be sure as his eyes flicker back up to meet mine, warm and captivating as a little smirk plays on his lips.

“You look good,” Nicky says, squeezing my hands before his eyes drift to his sister. He grins, dropping my hands as his attention turns to her. I can’t lie and say I’m not briefly disappointed and craving more of his attention as I stand to the side, bumping hips with Miki who takes it as an opportunity to wrap her arm around my waist.

“Staying out of trouble?” He asks Rachel with a laugh as they embrace.

“Staying out of it? I’m the one that makes it happen,” She replies with a smirk. 

“Don’t I know it,” he shakes his head and chuckles. 

“Don’t we all,” Harry adds with a laugh, making Rachel elbows him in the side. 

Our conversation turns into friendly chatter as we all continue to drink and hang out at the bar, the others asking Nicky for insider information about some case in the news or some political scandal. All he does is laugh off their questions, telling them he’s not allowed to talk about it. 

The whole time I can barely keep my eyes off of him. The casual button down shirt he wears hugs his body in all the right places and not to mention, the top three buttons are undone and the ivory-colored fabric against his skin is a beautiful contrast. 

I’m not exactly sure how to describe the dark pants he wears, but he looks good as hell in them and my drunken mind is encouraging me to ask him to take them off. But luckily, sober Nia isn’t too far away and I’m able to keep my mouth shut on the matter. 

There’s good drinks and good vibes as the night continues on. Rachel and Miki occasionally pull me out to the dance floor for a song, but we end up right back at the bar, chatting away about nothing in particular. Rachel keeps the drinks coming and somehow we always end up laughing at some sarcastic comeback Nicky says or rolling our eyes at Miki for cracking some dad-joke. 

“Let’s go back to the dance floor,” Tom mumbles, making me glance over at him but I don’t think anyone else heard him over the music. He’s been quiet for the past couple of minutes so I move closer to him as the others continue to chat. His eyelids are half-closed and his cheek is pressed against his fist. Frankly, I think it’s about time for him to go home before he passes out at the bar. 

“Tom, you good?” I ask him, arching a brow as his gaze shifts to me and he offers me a cheeky grin.

“I’m absolutely,” he sits up and I take another step towards him, watching him cautiously. 

“Positively,” he continues as he scoots off his stool, already appearing to be a bit wobbly.

“Amazing,’ he says as his feet hit the ground and I reach out, my hand on his chest to steady him as he grins at me and grabs my shoulders.

“Come dance,” he says, pulling me towards the dance floor.

“Hold up,” I laugh and shake my head, pulling him back towards the bar, “You can barely stand. Let alone _dance_.”

“I have to agree,” Nicky chuckles, noticing the way I’m struggling to keep Tom from embarrassing himself. So he takes Tom by the arm and helps me reel him back towards the bar. The others look on, amused. 

“Awe, mate,” Tom slurs, wrapping his arms around Nicky’s neck as he laughs, “Mate… Mate.. Mate, mate, mate. C’mon. You don’t wanna dance, officer?”

“Hm,” Nicky chuckles and shakes his head, taking on the majority of Tom’s weight as we sit him back on the bar stool. Nicky’s eyes drift over to me and he smiles before turning back to Tom, “I’m afraid not with you, _mate_.” 

“Why not with me? I’m not good enough for you?” Tom mumbles, leaning back against the bar. His eyelids shut and he starts leaning to the side. Miki rushes over and helps Nicky catch him before he can fall. 

“I think it’s time for you to get to bed, babe,” Miki chuckles, wrapping her arm around Tom’s waist.

“I’ll say,” Harry agrees, shaking his head. He glances towards Nicky, “We can grab an Uber if you guys want to stay. I know you kinda just got here.”

Nicky shrugs, waving his hand out towards me and Rachel, “That’s up to them. I’m cool with whatever we decide to do as long as you guys get home safely.” 

Rachel taps her chin, glancing behind her at the bartender from earlier. They catch eyes and she grins. 

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes, was she really about to wait for his shift to end? We’d have to stay for another hour. 

“Let’s go one more hour,” Rachel suggests as if she’s reading my mind, shrugging her shoulders casually as she looks at her brother with a grin, “I’m not tired yet.”

Nicky arches a brow, glancing at me and he has this suspicious look on his face that tells me he knows Rachel is up to something and he knows that I know what that something is. And he’s hoping that I’ll spill the beans and tell him exactly what her plans are. 

But instead, I just bite my lip at him and grin. I’m not saying a word. I don’t necessarily support Rachel’s plans, but I know enough not to be dragged into supporting Rachel’s questionable decisions versus Nicky’s brotherly protectiveness. 

Nicky catches onto my neutral status and shakes his head at me before glancing at Rachel, “Alright, one more hour then.” 

Rachel grins at me and winks, before we move to tell the others goodnight. After they promise to let us know when they make it home, they head towards the exit and we settle back down at the bar. 

“Excuse me,” Rachel says sweetly, leaning up on the counter as she tries to get the attention of the bartender again. I realize I don’t even know his name, but as he comes closer I read the name tag on his shirt; Bill. 

Nicky sighs and comes to stand beside me as Rachel goes about flirting and ordering more drinks for us. His body close enough that I can feel his warmth and I scoot away, fighting my own temptation and hoping he doesn’t notice. But my motor functions aren’t where they should be and I feel like I actually slid down a mile. 

Nicky arches a brow as he glances at me and I feel my cheeks going warm. Subtle is obviously not my forte. 

“What?” I say, arching my brow right back at him in an attempt to cover my embarrassment and he chuckles. 

“Why are you so far away?” He asks, amusement evident in his eyes.

“I’m hot,” I reply simply. Yeah, I’m hot alright. _Hot and bothered_. 

“Yeah?” He grins at me, his eyes examining me in a way that makes me wonder if my words have a double meaning, “Is that right?”

I nod my head and return his grin.

“That’s interesting, because… Well,” he points upward and I’m confused as my eyes follow his finger up to the ceiling, “I’m standing directly under the air conditioning.”

“So if you’re hot,” he grins at me as my eyes drop back down to meet his and my cheeks grow warm, “You’d be better off coming back over here.” 

“I’m not the problem,” I blurt out, “The problem is that you’re hot. You being hot makes me hot.” 

Nicky looks taken by surprise and laughs, “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

My eyes narrow as my mind takes a moment to process and I really wish I knew how to bite my tongue.

“Wait, no,” I squeal the words, cringing at myself, “I meant like your body is hot…”

Nicky arches a brow and his grin gets wider as I squirm and continue to stumble over my words. 

“I mean no!” My eyes go wide and I begin to gesture out in front of me as I try to explain, “Like your body heat. Like you’re warm. You’re radiating heat… from your body. Not that your body isn’t hot. That’s just not what I meant.”

Nicky shakes his head and laughs but before he can respond, Rachel steps between us and grins at me. 

“Smooth, Nia,” she winks and hands me a drink as I grimace. My cheeks are on fire and I dip my chin, glancing at the floor, “Real smooth.” 

“Leave her alone, Rachel,” Nicky chuckles, taking his own drink from her hand as he grins at me, “That’s the best compliment I’ve gotten all day and I’m not about to let you ruin it for me.” 

My heart flutters and I’m taken by surprise as Nicky reaches across Rachel and pulls me towards him, “Please, Nia. Continue. I think you stopped at telling me my body was hot. I work hard for it, so I really appreciate you taking the time to notice.” 

I laugh, allowing some of my embarrassment to slip away as he smiles at me, offering me some comfort as his thumb runs across my knuckles but Rachel interrupts me with a gag.

“Gross,” She says, grinning at Nicky, “I’m afraid it’s not as impressive as you think. Nia’s just a little tipsy.”

“I’m not _that_ tipsy,” I tell her with a shrug, raising the glass of whatever it is that she ordered me to my lips. It tastes sweet like cherry flavored candy with the aftertaste of too much vodka. It’s strong and I know I’ll probably be _that_ tipsy once I finish it.

“Then it’s because it’s dark in here,” She offers and laughs as Nicky rolls his eyes at her. The two of them begin their usual sibling banter, making me partially graceful that the attention is off of me. But I can’t help but roll my eyes at them.

Eventually, Nicky drains his glass and sits it on the bar as his thumb wipes away any remnant of the liquor from the corner of his lips. My eyes follow the movement and I’m momentarily caught up in wishing I was that liquor now smeared over his lip before realizing his eyes have shifted to me and he grins. 

I blush and look away, knowing not to take these subtle glances too seriously. But I can’t help how he makes me feel and I hate that it’s not just harmless flirtation to me. 

Because it hurts me. A lot. 

Because what’s harmless fun to him will haunt my dreams for nights to come. Somehow every sketch in my notebook will become some romanticized version of his eyes and how I wish he’d look at me with the same longing I see in the mirror after I’ve spent time around him.

_Ugh_. I sigh, I’m hopelessly in love and such a helpless case. 

“Hey Nia,” Nicky says, suddenly capturing my hand again and pulling me close to him with a smile, “Dance with me?”

“Dance with you?” I repeat in disbelief, my eyes wide. _Maybe I’m not so helpless after all._

“Yeah,” Nicky tilts his head and smiles at me, “Is that alright?” 

I need a distraction from the sudden overflow of nerves and the tingling sensation running up my arm so I glance towards Rachel who’s somehow ended up back leaning against the bar, making googly eyes at the bartender as he’s telling her some _impressive_ story I’m sure. 

I bite my lip and toy with my necklace, running the smooth coin between my fingers while Nicky awaits my answer. I unknowingly shuffle my feet and the movement encourages Nicky to pull me closer, stealing the air from my lungs with his proximity alone. 

“I mean, yes, of course,” I finally manage to squeeze the answer from my lungs before glancing at Rachel again, “But, um, you trust her?” 

He laughs, following my gaze to his sister, “You know I stopped trying to control what she does a long time ago. The more I try to stop her, the more likely she is to do it.” 

I chuckle and nod my head, “Yeah, well. I can’t argue with that.” 

“Besides,” he grins at me, “Rachel can handle herself.”

“You speak nothing but the truth,” I laugh as he pulls me away from the bar and towards the dance floor. Rachel doesn’t even bother to glance in our direction as we leave.

Soon the music seems much louder and we’re surrounded by strangers bumping and grinding to the beat. Nicky turns to face me, colorful lights flash over his features and I feel like I’ve been transferred to an alternative universe as he pulls me close to him. 

His hands find their way down my waist before capturing my hips in a strong grip. My arms are wrapped around his neck and I’ve never been this close to him before, feeling his breath against my cheek as we join the movements of the sea of people around us.

I have to remind myself that this is cool. I’m on fire, but this is fine. His lips are inches away from mine, but friends dance with each other all the time.

But his hips are on mine and I can’t help but lose myself to the moment. Opportunities like this don’t present themselves often. I’ve been waiting my whole life to have him to myself for once and the moment is right as he holds me close. 

I don’t have the time to let a shy girl get in my way so I turn around in his arms, pressing my back against him as I grind against his body. I let the music control the way I roll my hips and his response makes me delirious. 

I decide that Nicky is easily the most talented man I know. He’s a musician, a smooth talker, and apparently, a good ass dancer too. 

His face rests near my exposed shoulder and I wrap my arm around his head, my hand in his textured hair before I feel the tip of his nose travel from my shoulder to my cheek and he chuckles in my ear. 

“You’re good at this,” he tells me, his lips brushing against sensitive skin as he attempts to whisper the words in my ear and I can’t help but to my bite lip. 

“Yeah?” I glance at him over my shoulder, rolling my hips outward and pressing my ass against him and I swear I hear him hiss under his breath as his hands tighten on my waist, “I think you’re even better.” 

“Do you?” He responds before taking my hand and twirling me around before bringing me back into his arms, pressing me to his chest as he grins down at me, “Then let me dance on you, girl.” 

I giggle, my hands resting behind his neck as we continue to move with each other, him controlling our movements.

“I’m trying,” I tell him with a grin, “But I just really love this song.” 

He pauses and I know he’s listening to words as he nods his head to the beat and grins at me. He takes my hands and turns me back around, before pulling me back towards him and our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. 

My back is on his chest again and we’re in the same position as before except this time he’s singing the chorus to the song in my ear and let me tell you, hearing Nicky sing “make you feel good” over and over again makes me want to do exactly that for him. 

But when I press my ass against him this time, I’m shocked to find exactly what I’m looking for and pleasure ripples throughout my lower half, knowing he’s not as unaffected by me as I once thought. 

Unfortunately, the hem of my dress is rising with my movements and I frown, slowing my rhythm as I attempt to pull in down. But Nicky’s hands slide over my hips and he swats my hands away making me glance at him over my shoulder. 

He grins, taking the fabric between his fingers and pulling it down for me, the slightest brush of his fingertips against my skin sends tingles throughout my entire body. 

“I got you,” he whispers in my ear, pulling me closer, his hands spread over my hips and thighs. And I swear I can feel every inch of his body against mine, “Don’t stop. Keep going.” 

He doesn’t have to tell me twice and that’s exactly what I do. It’s like a dream come true as we dance until we're both hot and breathless, tangled in each other’s arms. And I know later on tonight, I’ll be replaying this moment in my head.


	2. Runnin' Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a good feeling about this but fear of rejection creeps up. Surely he didn’t mean for his touch to affect me the way it did. I don’t need another reminder that Nicky only sees me as a family friend he flirts with on occasion.
> 
> “When do you want to see me again?” He asks quietly. 
> 
> I shrug and look down at my hands in my lap, “I don’t know. I know you’re busy so we’ll see.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> However this particular chapter does not include any of the above.
> 
> Additional Warning - Includes Smut (...just a little bit)
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.

**Part III:**

The crowd starts to dissipate as the music slows down and the DJ announces last call at the bar. I’m suddenly reminded that we’re here with Rachel and I turn towards the bar, looking over my shoulder in order to spot her.

She’s still at the bar, but now she’s facing towards us, her elbows on the counter and she has a grin on her face. Her new boy toy appears to be rushing to clean the bar up in order to finish with his shift, but her eyes are on me and she winks. 

I blush and try to fight my smile, biting the tip of my tongue as I turn back towards Nicky, whose arms are still around me. I had an underlying suspicion that this was Rachel’s idea all along, but I’m not about to complain. 

I’m too happy and still a little tipsy as Nicky looks down at me and smiles.

He leans down so I can hear him as he goes to speak, “I think it’s about time for us to go.”

I’m once again momentarily lost in a daze with his lips near mine and his eyes wandering over me. He’s so close that I can make out the details of his face. Even in the low light I can take note of the tiny dots that are barely noticeable against his dark skin. 

It’s like heaven is right around the corner and I can taste it. All I have to do is take a leap of faith, but sadly, the alcohol wasn’t strong enough to provide me with the confidence I needed to stand on my tippy toes and press my lips against his. 

“Yeah,” I sigh, looking down. I don’t know how it happens but somehow I end up toying with the silver button of his shirt, my finger teasing the exposed skin of his chest. It’s the only thing I can do to absorb this fleeting moment as I flicker my gaze up to him through my lashes, “Unfortunately.” 

Nicky offers me a half-smile, his eyes glittering with mischief as his hand comes up to cover mine, and he raises my hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles and stealing my breath, “We can still hang out at home.” 

I swallow, feeling flustered and incredibly thirsty but I can’t be sure that I heard him correctly so I just nod.

He keeps my hand in his as we finally pull apart and head back towards Rachel. 

She grins at us as we approach, her eyes lingering where our hands are intertwined and I really want to hide behind Nicky because there’s no telling what she’s about to say and I can only pray she’s not about to embarrass me. 

“Did you guys have fun?” She asks, arching a brow. 

“Plenty,” Nicky chuckles, coming to stand beside her. He glances at me, pulling me under his arm and I blush, my arm automatically resting around his waist, “I didn’t know Nia could dance like that.” 

“Well,” I grin at him, “I’m a woman of many talents. You should’ve danced with me sooner.” 

He returns my grin and arches a brow, “I can’t argue with that. After all, you are the artist. You can make magic happen. Thought,” he tilts his head and squints his eyes at me, “You look more like a piece of fine art yourself.” 

I blush and laugh, playing with the coin on my necklace, “You’re one to talk. You’re the perfect muse.”

“Yeah? You want me to pose for you? Maybe I can come to one of your classes on one of my days off,” he winks at me, pulling me closer into him. 

I giggle, my hand spread on his chest as I grin up at him, “What day are you free?” 

“Geesh,” Rachel interrupts with a laugh, before smirking at me, “Should I just get you guys a condom or…?” 

My cheeks turn red and my tongue is in my cheek as I narrow my eyes at her,  _ I knew it was coming.  _

I could kill her, but Nicky simply laughs and shakes his head.

“Chill, Rachel,” he rolls his eyes playfully and offers me what’s supposed to be a comforting squeeze, “It’s not even like that. You know Nia is like family.” 

_ Did he really just say that after…?  _

The warmth I feel in my chest turns icy and I sigh _ , if only it wasn’t like that _ . 

I remove my arm from his waist and wrap them around myself. I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but he just killed my high even though I didn’t have any intentions of tonight  _ actually _ going anywhere. 

Maybe. 

Regardless I thought we were pushing past that. But now I feel kind of… Lead on?

“If you say so,” Rachel cuts her eyes at Nicky before glancing at me. And she doesn’t say it but the look in her eyes is like  _ what the fuck is he on _ ? And I giggle, shaking my head as he looks between us slightly confused. He awkwardly drops his arm from around my shoulder and I bite my lip as he gives me some space. 

I think he gets the hint that I’m not going to let him toy with me tonight. Even if it was unintentional on his part, my heart deserves a little break. And what better excuse than to be a little off with him? 

I shuffle closer to Rachel, making sure Nicky is well aware of my cold shoulder. Because I hate feeling like I’m right back at square one, playing sister and brother with this man when I feel like anything but. 

“So,” Rachel shrugs before the silence between us turns awkward, “ _ Anyway _ . I have a different ride tonight. I’m going home with Bill.” 

_ Should have seen that coming _ . I look at her unimpressed, pressing my lips into a fine line. 

What’s left of Nicky’s smile immediately drops and he arches a brow at her, “Excuse me?” 

“I. Have. A. Ride.” Rachel rolls her eyes now and I feel the tension rising between the two of them.

I stare down at my feet, noticing I needed to repaint the polish on my toe. I’m silently wishing that Rachel wasn’t about to put up this fight. But the truth is I knew it was coming. I just decided not to dwell on it.

But if she goes home with Bill, I realize I’ll be left alone with Nicky and well… 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Nicky tells her with a frown, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Rachel shrugs, fluffing her hair, “Just make sure Nia gets home tonight, yeah?” 

“I need to make sure you  _ both _ get home tonight,” Nicky fires back, he obviously wasn’t happy about this. 

“I’ll be home… in the morning,” Rachel grins at him, glancing at Bill who’s quietly waiting for her at the end of the bar.

“Rachel,” Nicky says her name matter of fact, his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed together, “Are you really sure that’s the best move tonight?” 

“Yep,” she answers with a grin, already swaying towards Bill, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll text you.” 

“Goodnight, Nia, my love,” she blows a kiss at me as she rushes away and I can only shake my head and wave a goodbye. 

“But Rachel,” Nicky says, taking a step towards her, but she’s already gone. Sashaying towards Bill before grabbing him by the hand and heading towards the exit. 

Bill glances over his shoulder at Nicky nervously, but Nicky only narrows his eyes at him, fisting clenching at his side. And much too quickly, they’re out the door. 

He sighs as they exit, glancing at me, “I don’t know what to do about her. I guess it’s just you and me then.”

The fact that we’re alone is suddenly jarring and I only nod, nervous to be the only one in his company. And I wish I could enjoy it, say something flirty, let him know how I feel but my pride won’t let me. 

“Yeah, let’s go then,” I reply, turning on my heels and heading towards the door. 

“Woah, slow down, Nia,” he chuckles, having to pick up his stride to catch up with me as we join the last patrons leaving the bar.

Nicky somehow manages to get in front of me and he holds open the door of the exit for me. I purposely don’t thank him but as I step through the frame, I’m suddenly freezing and covered in mist. 

“Oh, it’s raining,” I say, noting the obvious as I scrunch up my face. I make room for Nicky to follow me out and line up against the wall of the building, doing my best to stay sheltered with the other people waiting for their ride. 

Nicky follows me, staying close to my side as he looks up to the sky, “I guess it is.” 

He glances at me and offers me a smile, “I’ll get the car, you can stay here.” 

Moments later, he’s pulling up and I jump in, shutting the door behind me after getting covered in the pouring rain. It’s like as soon as he pulled up, the sky opened up even more and the rain came down harder. I don’t know if it’s karma encouraging me to be better, but I don’t really care. 

“Thanks,” I mumble, running my hand through my now wet hair as I settle in the seat. 

I’m shivering from the chill and I wrap my arms around myself, avoiding Nicky’s gaze because I can feel his eyes on me. I look out the window as we pull out of the parking lot because I know the last thing I need to see right now is the way that wet shirt is clenching to his body. 

“I have a jacket in the back,” Nicky offers, glancing at me. Before I can deny it, he reaches behind him into the backseat, keeping his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering wheel. 

He reveals a dark suit jacket and hands it towards me with a smile, “Do you want me to turn the heat on?” 

“No,” I say, still avoiding his eyes but I take the jacket and wrap it around myself. It’s way too big, making me feel small but I love the way I can snuggle into it. It’s warm and the smell of his cologne lingers, making me sigh. 

I can’t deny that I love the smell and I feel a safety that only comes with being around him. There’s been plenty of nights when Nicky has been my saving grace and anything that reminds me of his presence is like home. 

But I’m still upset and I go right back to pouting in the passenger seat, my eyes following the raindrops on the window. 

“So what are we going to listen to tonight? Whitney? Sam? Or are you more in a Prince mood?” Nicky asks me, handing me the aux cord as if it’s some sort of olive branch. 

I glance at it before silently taking it from his hand and plugging my phone up. I go to my music and instead of playing any artists he suggested, I turn on  _ Me, Myself, and I. _ It’s not quite a perfect match, but I’m in my feelings and girls love Beyoncé. 

Nicky chuckles as the song starts playing over the radio, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel as her voice fills the silence in the car. 

“ _ Okayyy _ then,” he bites his lip, glancing at me with a questioning look on his face and I just stare straight ahead, snuggling further into his jacket and tightening my arms around myself. 

“Are you mad at me, peaches?” Nicky asks suddenly and I squeeze my eyes shut at the mention of my nickname. He calls me that because I used to eat all of the peaches in those little cups out of their refrigerator every time I came over. I honestly think his mom brought them specifically for me. 

But in exchange, Rachel would come over to my house and use all of the whipped cream at dessert. She’d ask for more just to leave the cake or ice cream and eat the cream. She’d later sneak into the refrigerator when no one was looking and eat it straight from the can. 

So thus, our parents nicknamed us Peaches and Cream. And it just stuck for a while. He’s really the only one who still calls me that occasionally. 

“No,” I reply, rolling my eyes and looking out the window. 

“Are you sure?” He says and now his hand is on my leg, a warm contrast from the lingering cold of being exposed in the rain. His thumb absentmindedly tracing circles over my knee and his touch melts away the frost I tried to hold over my heart. 

I stiffen, trying to deny my body as I become unnecessarily aware of my pulse, “I… um.. I’m positive.” 

“Then look at me,” he asks, giving my thigh a squeeze and I really wish he’d stop playing with my emotions. 

“No,” I swallow, determined to keep up my charade. 

“Then you must be mad at me,” I can hear him sigh and he removes his hand, making me wish I wasn’t such a hard ass. But it is what it is. 

It’s quiet for a moment, only the sound of the music and the rain beating against the car. I watch the passing lights and wonder how much longer until I’m home so I can begin to regret this moment for the rest of my life. 

“You know,” Nicky starts quietly, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel again, “That I just say shit sometimes, right?” 

I can’t help but let out a laugh and roll my eyes, “Yeah,  _ obviously _ .” 

He chuckles and I glance over at him, wondering what he’s about to go on about. 

His eyes are on the road, but a conflicted expression is on his face as he bites his lip. He’s somewhere between conflicted and amused and part of me wants to kiss him and the other half wants to push him out the car. 

“I, um,” he says before glancing at me and offering me an apologetic smile, “I don’t know exactly what I said or did, but I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“You didn’t upset me,” I say, fighting a smile because his smile is the most contagious thing in the world. 

He arches a brow at me, glancing back towards the road. His smile grows and I realize I just fell into a trap. 

“I find that hard to believe since that’s the first sentence you’ve said to me in the last ten minutes,” he says. 

“I’m just tired,” I reply with a shrug, knowing I’m lying through my teeth. 

“Tired of me? I can tell,” he replies and I chuckle. 

I bite my lip and play with my necklace, deciding on how much I want to give into his banter, “And if I am tired of you? So what?” 

“What can I do to get back on your good side?” He asks me, glancing at me again, “I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, peaches.”

“That’s only because you’re a people pleaser,” I tell him, rolling my eyes playfully.

“I won’t even try to deny that,” he laughs, “But right now, I’m just trying to please you.” 

“Yeah?” I arch my brow at him, “How far are you willing to go?” 

He grins, his hand coming to rest on my leg again and I’m getting butterflies all over as his hand drifts up the exposed skin until he stops right at my dress, “For you? However far you’re willing to let me go.” 

I’m silent for a moment considering if I’m going to let sober Nia or horny Nia respond to him. Because sober Nia is hungry, but horny Nia is  _ hungry _ . 

And I have a good feeling about this but fear of rejection creeps up. Surely he didn’t mean for his touch to affect me the way it did. I don’t need another reminder that Nicky only sees me as a family friend he flirts with on occasion.

“How about a milkshake and fries and I’ll call it a night?” I tell him with a smile. 

He laughs, his hand sliding back down to my knee now, “Strawberry, no cherry. Extra salt on fries?” 

“You know me so well,” I grin. 

“Of course I do,” he says, smiling at me and I know Nicky cares about me in his own way. 

I just wish it was my way. 

I’m so damn selfish, but now I’m soft and back in love. So I can’t help but play his favorite songs for the rest of the drive. 

* * *

**Part IV:**

Two milkshakes and a large order of fries later, we’re sitting in the parking lot of my apartment complex, hoping the rain is going to lighten up but it shows no signs of stopping. 

“Yeah, I think it’s supposed to rain all night,” Nicky says, clicking his phone off before looking up at me, “I think I have a umbrella in the back though.” 

“Wait,” I laugh, licking the leftover milkshake from my straw before narrowing my eyes at him, “You’ve had an umbrella this entire time?” 

We’ve been sitting here for a whole thirty minutes. 

Nicky crackles and smirks at me, “Maybe.” 

“Why didn’t you just say that earlier?” I shake my head and laugh, “I could’ve been inside by now.” 

He shrugs, “You didn’t seem to be in a rush.” 

I pout my lip at him, “Yeah, that’s because I was hoping it’d stop raining.” 

He grins at me, his eyes seem to drift down to my lips and my heart stops, “Well, maybe I just enjoyed having you to myself.” 

I blush and my laugh sounds more like a squeak, “Yeah, right.”

“What?” Nicky tilts his head and grins at me, “Would it be so impossible for me to be interested in your time?” 

“Kinda,” I reply, dipping my chin and biting my lip, “We’ve known each other forever. You’ve had plenty of it already, haven’t you?” 

He takes my chin between his fingers and forces me to look up, before giving me that smile makes me go weak, “Not alone with you. No.” 

Does he really not realize how in love I am with him? There’s no way it isn’t written all over my face with the way my heart is beating in my chest. 

“You almost sound like you’re interested in getting to know me better,” I tell him, a little breathlessly. I meant it as a joke, but it’s like those words made the air between us thicker.

Nicky chuckles, leaning a little closer to me, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you wanted me to be.” 

“Who’s to say I don’t?” I arch my brow at him and obviously my senses are gone for me to be so daring. 

But the next thing I know, his fingers are in the curls at the nape of my neck as he cups the back of my head. My face is being brought towards his and my breath catches in my throat because I know he’s about to kiss me. 

And I can’t believe it and I don’t know how we ended up here after so many years. 

But the best moment of my life is interrupted five seconds too soon as his phone lights up and the ringer breaks whatever spell we’re under. 

“What the hell?” He sighs, his lips not even a inch from mine before he pulls back and picks up the phone. 

I suck in a deep breath, sinking back into the passenger seat. I feel like I’m breaking through the surface of a lake and I need air in my lungs immediately or I’m about to drown. 

“Hello?” Nicky answers the phone, not bothering to check the caller ID because he’s obviously annoyed, drumming his fingers on the middle console. 

His eyes are on me while he listens. He bites his lip, staring at my lips and I know I’m going to kill whoever is on the other end of that phone. 

“Rachel?” He sighs, looking deflated as he glances away from me, “Are you okay? You need me to come get you?” 

_ Yep _ . I’m definitely going to kill her. 

There’s a pause as he listens to her and he narrows his eyes, “What? Then why did you—“

She must have cut him off because he rolls his eyes and goes quiet again. 

“It’s unimportant where I am,” he tells her, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest. I can’t lie and say I’m not a little stunned, arching my brow at him but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Yes, Nia is fine. What? You thought I wasn’t going to take her home?” His eyes narrow before he glances at me and chuckles at whatever Rachel responds to him, “ _ Yeahhhh _ . No.” 

Another pause and he frowns, “No. So you’re good? You don’t need me to come get you?” 

“Okay,” he says with a sigh, “And Rachel... Be safe.” 

Despite his annoyance, this time he laughs at whatever she tells him and shakes his head, “Yeah, yeah. Love you too.” 

He hangs up and lays his phone down before glancing at me apologetically, “I’m sorry. Rachel just wanted to make sure I dropped you off.” 

“Yeah?” I say, biting my lip and crossing my arms over my chest, “You didn’t want her to know you’re still with me?” 

He arches a brow and shifts in his seat, “No. Not necessarily.” 

I frown and his eyes go wide, “Wait. I mean like I don’t know… I just don’t think that’s any of her business.” 

I sigh, “Yeah… I guess.” 

Nicky bites his lip before running his hand through my short curls, at first hesitant as if he didn’t know if I’d allow it. But soon he begins rubbing his fingertips into my scalp and I feel myself relaxing into his hand, unable to resist the way he’s caressing my head. 

I can tell that he thinks he has me where he wants me when his other hand is back on my thigh. But when he leans his face towards me, I lean away this time, put off by the idea of him hiding me and I’m no longer in the mood, assuming that he’s ashamed of his interest in me. 

“Where’s that umbrella?” I ask him, rolling my neck and pulling myself out of his hand.

He swallows nervously, running his tongue over his lip as he sits back, “It’s in the back.” 

“Can you hand it to me?” I ask with a sigh, “I’ll give it back tomorrow or whenever I see you again.” 

“When do you want to see me again?” He asks quietly. 

I shrug and look down at my hands in my lap, “I don’t know. I know you’re busy so we’ll see.” 

He’s quiet for a moment before he reaches into the back seat and pulls out the umbrella. I’m expecting him to hand it to me, but instead he gets out of the car, popping it open and shutting the door behind him. 

My eyes follow his shadow outside of the car in confusion as he makes his way over to the passenger side. 

He opens the car door, offering me a hand as he holds the umbrella over himself but mostly over the space between us. 

“What are you doing?” I arch my brow at him. 

“I’m Mary Poppins,” he responds and I laugh as he shakes his head at me and grins, “Come on, girl. I’m going to walk you to your door.” 

“Oh,” I chuckle, taking his hand and climbing out into the cold wet air, “And they say chivalry is dead.” 

“I do like to think of myself as a gentleman,” he grins at me and pulls me close under the umbrella, linking our arms together before using his foot to shut the car door. 

“Hm,” is my only response because I’m back to giving him the cold shoulder and I can’t let my resolve slip so easily. 

He allows me to stay quiet as we walk towards my apartment, having to climb the stairs to the second floor before we’re finally sheltered and he lowers the umbrella as we come to my door. 

“Thanks,” I tell him, going to reach for the keys in my purse, “That was sweet of you. Plus you don’t have to worry about me stealing your umbrella. You can go now.” 

“Wow,” Nicky laughs and grabs my hand, stopping me from finding my keys as he sits the umbrella against the door. 

I frown and look up at him, “What are you doing?” 

“You really think I’m going to let you leave me with that kind of attitude?” He asks me, taking a step closer to me and invading my personal space. 

“Well,” I say, taking my hand from his grip and taking a step back before crossing my arms over my chest, “Maybe if you weren’t out here running game just to fall back, I wouldn’t have to catch an attitude with you.” 

He looks surprised and blinks before frowning at me, “You think I’m running game on you?” 

“I  _ know _ you are,” I respond, rolling my eyes. I hug myself, looking down at my feet because I’m upset that I’ve let the “harmless” flirting go so far tonight. 

His lips twitch upward and he shifts his weight, “I wouldn’t say that. I can’t help it. It’s hard when you’re around, looking the way you’re looking.” 

I snort, glancing up at him with an arched brow, “You mean that in more ways than one?” 

He laughs and grins at me, his eyes sparking as they drift over me, “You’re more than welcomed to find out.” 

I hate how attracted I am to him and his invitation has my walls breaking down already, “Don’t tempt me with a good time because I will.” 

He arches a brow and takes another step closer to me, “Do it. I’m right here and there’s nothing but space and opportunity between us.” 

“Yeah,” I reply breathlessly, looking up at him. I swallow and clear my throat, hiding my hands behind my back because I’m so tempted to reach out and touch him, “But I’m not about to show you what I’m capable of if you’re just going to turn around and pretend you don’t want me.”

“Pretend I don’t want you?” He laughs and comes even closer, trapping me between his body and the door as he places his hands on either side of my head, “And here I thought I was doing a shitty job at that.” 

My chest is rising heavily as he looks in my eyes and leans towards me. I suck in a deep breath because I’m nervous as we stare into each other’s eyes for a second too long. And I have no escape this time. 

“Because frankly, Nia,” Nicky pauses, his lips nearly brushing mine as he talks and a sly grin crosses his face as I arch towards him at hearing my name on his lips because the anticipation is killing me. 

His hand comes up and caresses my cheek, his thumb tracing over my lip as he leans over to whisper in my ear, “It’s unbelievable how much I want you.” 

I really wish I was capable of putting up more of a fight. I have this desire to play hard to get but I know I need him and I’m ready to start this love affair. Responding to the desire in his brown eyes, I roll my hips against him in a silent dare.

“Prove it,” I whisper to him and the words barely leave before his lips are on mine and the floodgates of my unrelinquished desire are opened.

His lips warm and soft against mine as he floods my senses, our lips move together in perfect harmony. I kiss him like I’ve never been kissed before and I can’t stop, won’t stop. Because I’ve been waiting for this my entire life.

He moves to hold my face in his hands, never letting his lips leave mine. He presses our bodies together as he deepens our kiss and what was buried for me for so long has been brought to the breaking point. 

The intensity is insane and he changes up our pace, kissing me slowly and sensual before something more innate takes over and I feel like we’re starving for more of this intimacy that we’ve denied ourselves. 

I allow my hand to slide up his chest, taking the same button I toyed with earlier and popping it undone. I don’t care where we are as I undo the rest of them because his skin is so smooth, the fine hairs on his chest brushing against my fingertips and his body is so warm and toned. And I can  _ finally _ do what I want to him. 

Eventually, he pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, letting it go with a satisfying pop and a moan escapes my lips before he captures the sound by pressing his lips against mine once more. 

I grasp his shirt in my hands, desperate to pull him even closer with his hands tracing over my body. He’s moving with purpose, his hands outlining the places I want him to touch the most, dancing where my skin is exposed and his touch has electricity coursing through me. 

He finally stops teasing me as his hands follow the shape of my hips and he cups my ass, giving it a tight squeeze that sends pleasure through every part of my body. 

I’ll tattoo his name there tomorrow if he wants me to. 

He starts playing with the hem of my dress, testing the fabric before hoisting my legs up around his waist. He presses me against the door, hands gripping my thighs and I lock my ankles around him.

I let out another moan as he kisses down my jawline to my throat, letting his tongue trace over my skin.

He pauses once he gets to my collar bone, pinching my skin between his teeth and the feeling makes me buckle against him. He places a kiss there before he moves to suck on my neck. 

There’s definitely going to be a hickey there, but I’m not going to stop him. 

One hand slips under my dress, the other holding me steady. His finger slides under the band of my panties and he chuckles upon discovering that I have on a lacy thong. 

I let out a breathless giggle, happy I decided to wear sexy underwear tonight. My hand is in his hair now and I tighten my legs around him, “I know it probably seems like I planned this, but I promise I didn’t.”

“I honestly don’t care if you did,” he laughs, bringing his attention back to my lips as his hand travels further back until he squeezes the flesh of my ass again, my dress now halfway hitched up to my waist.

But he leaves me aching his touch in other places because that’s as far he goes as we continue like this, passionately kissing and touching and squeezing against the door out in the middle of a rainy night for I don't know how long. 


	3. It's Not a Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know if we should tell you this yet,” my mom finally says, her eyes drifting to me as she bites her lip before glancing back at my dad. 
> 
> They stare at each other for another moment before my dad lets out a deep breath and meets my eyes. He frowns and reaches for my cheek ever so gently, wiping away a tear with his thumb and I realize I don’t know when I started crying. 
> 
> “Maybe... “ he says, his brown eyes softening as he looks over my face, tears forming in the corner of his eyes, “Maybe it’s best if we wait. Just a little longer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> This particular chapter DOES INCLUDE experiences mentioned above. 
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.

**Part V:**

Nicky eventually pulls away breathless and looking disheveled as he chuckles in disbelief. He presses his forehead against mine, squeezing me one last time as we both take a moment to catch our breath. 

“Maybe I should let you go inside now,” he mumbles, voice thick and laced like he recently discovered a new drug. I can only hope that he’s as addicted to me now as I am to him. 

“Do you really have to go?” I ask quietly, biting my already swollen lip. I’m honestly prepared to beg him to stay, feeling my heavy heartbeat throughout my entire body. 

He laughs softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek, “Hmm. I don’t want to, but I do have to work in a few hours. I think it’s already way past my bedtime.” 

“You can’t just stay here?” I offer as he sits me back onto my feet. I’m a little wobbly, but he keeps me steady and makes me blush as he takes a moment to straighten out my dress, pulling it back over my thighs before resting his hands on my ass again. 

He pulls me close and nuzzles into my neck, “I guess I _could_. But only if you want me to.” 

“I definitely want you to,” I reply, feeling his lips on my neck as he smiles. 

“Then I’ll stay,” he replies, pressing a kiss to my skin before he pulls away. 

I smile, giddy as I search for my purse. It’s somehow ended up on the ground and Nicky picks it up and hands it to me with a chuckle. 

“Sorry about that,” he says, “Must have slipped off your shoulder.” 

“That’s fine,” I laugh before turning around as I dig through the contents, searching for my keys. 

I frown because I can’t seem to find them anywhere. My purse is only so big but I continue searching, growing a bit frantic until I remember and smack myself on the forehead. 

“ _Fuck_. Rachel has the keys,” I say with a sigh, “I forgot to take my house key off the car key.” 

Nicky laughs and shakes his head, going to button up his shirt now, “Well, why don’t you just stay with me instead? At my spot.” 

I turn to face him again and bite my lip, “Stay… Stay with you? Tonight?” 

He grins and arches a brow, “If you’re comfortable with that. I’ll sleep on the couch, you can have my bed.” 

I laugh, “Are we really going to pretend we’re not going to end up in the same bed tonight?” 

He bursts out laughing, “You’re the one acting all nervous about coming over to my place.” 

I blush, “I haven’t been over in a long time.” 

“So?” He asks with a shrug, taking my hand before grabbing the umbrella, “What’s that got to do with anything?” 

“I dunno,” I say, biting my lip, “Hooking up with you seems more official if it’s at your place.” 

He frowns before forcing out a chuckle as he glances at me, “That’s what this is? A casual hook up?” 

“Um,” I frown, my cheeks growing hot as I’m forced to snuggle under his arm as he opens the umbrella and pulls it over us as we head down the steps. The rain has lighted up but there’s still a drizzle and cool mist in the air. 

“No,” I finally say, glancing at Nicky as we walk, “I mean not necessarily. What did you want it to be?” 

“Not just a casual hookup, that’s for sure,” he responds, keeping his eyes straight ahead. 

“Oh,” is all I can manage, biting my lip as I try to fight off a smile. 

Nicky glances at me and chuckles upon finding the expression on my face, “Oh? Is that your way of saying you feel the same or oh as in oh no, I’m out of luck if I want you more than just for the night?” 

“Oh, as in the first thing you said,” I laugh, grinning up at him.

He smiles, pausing in the rain to lean down and give me a kiss, “That’s good to hear.” 

“Hearing you say that you want me is like music to my ears,” I tell him, little does he know I’ve already been in love with him for the past… I don’t know exactly, _forever_? 

He grins, eyes drifting over my face before he leans down and kisses me again, “Yeah? I need to get you home so we can collaborate and make music together.” 

I laugh, pulling him towards the car, “What are you waiting for? Come on.” 

He grins, pulling me back under the umbrella before my enthusiasm gets the best of me and I end up catching a cold. He wraps his arm around my shoulder until we finally make it back to the car.

He opens the door for me and I hop inside. I’m trying to play it cool, but it’s hard to hide. But my smile drops slightly as I notice Nicky looking over the car with narrowed eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask, turning curiously to follow his eyes to see a car passing by, headlights dim. It wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary if they weren’t driving so slow, but soon they speed up and drive out of the parking lot. I can only assume the driver was on their phone or something. 

They have every right to be out in the middle of the night like us, but it did seem odd. 

“I guess nothing,” Nicky smiles down at me as I turn back towards him before he closes the door, but I can tell that something is up because the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

When he gets back into the car, he tosses the umbrella into the back seat. He doesn’t wait for the doors to lock automatically and his eyes scan the dash as he starts the engine. He waits a couple minutes, biting his lip as if he’s expecting something to be wrong with the car.

“Think you need an oil change?” I ask casually, pulling his jacket around my shoulders. I don’t know why he’s acting so precautionary now, but I know better than to question his instincts and it makes me nervous that he feels the need to be so thorough. 

I don’t want to say he’s being paranoid, because he’s the detective here. Not me. 

Nicky glances at me from the corner of his eyes and chuckles, his hand coming to rest on my knee and his thumb rubbing against my skin, “Something like that, but I think we’re good.” 

I bite my lip at him, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he swallows and nods, glancing back at the dash, “Yeah. I’m sure.” 

We finally drive off, the feeling of his hand on my knee brings me some comfort. So I’m moving about as usual, plugging over the aux and scrolling through my phone. But Nicky is oddly quiet and it makes me hyper aware when I start feeling a vibration coming from my side of the car.

“Um, Nicky?” I say, glancing at the door, “Is there something wrong with the tire?” 

He frowns, glancing at me and taking his hand from my leg so that he can grab the steering wheel with both hands. 

“Yeah, I feel it,” he says, glancing at the rearview as if to check if someone’s following us, “Hold on.” 

Now I know something is wrong because he goes to press down on the breaks, but the car doesn’t slow down. His eyes go wide, glancing at me as a conflicted expression crosses his face. 

“What is it?” I bite my lip, sitting up in my seat because I’m scared now. I know the breaks aren’t working, but my mind doesn’t quite register it. Because honestly? I’m about two seconds away from panicking. 

“Don’t worry,” Nicky tells me, his voice soothing and he offers me an encouraging smile, “It’s okay. It’s not as bad as it seems, I can still use the emergency break. Cars aren’t actually built like they are in the movies.”

“Well,” I swallow, nervously sinking back into my seat, “That’s comforting… I guess.”

He chuckles nervously, before glancing back in the rearview and I can tell he’s worried about stopping because he thinks someone is following us. But I’m just trying to figure out why someone would be following us in the first place. 

But as soon as he takes his eyes off the road, I barely notice a car that appears to be lying in wait at a nearby intersection. I furrow my brows in confusion as the car backs up down the street before flashing their lights on. My heart drops because when they hit the gas, they’re flooring it towards the intersection and it’s obvious they have no intentions of stopping. 

“Nicky!” I scream his name, making him jump and his eyes immediately dart towards the car. 

“Hold on,” he tells me but there’s no way we’re going to be able to stop in time. I grab his leg, bracing my other hand against the ceiling.

He attempts to swerve the car so that we end up rear-ended instead of them hitting the side directly, but we don’t move fast enough and the last thing I see is the headlights illuminating his silhouette through tear-stained windows.

And I know it’s coming, but that doesn’t stop me from screaming at the impact when the sound of metal crashing together and glass shattering becomes the only thing I can register. 

* * *

My head is pounding, my body aches, and there’s the taste of blood in my mouth.

I’m awake. I’m alive, but I don’t understand why I’m in so much pain and why I feel like there’s a whole in my chest where my heart should be. 

My eyes crack open to spotty vision. The light is too bright and the voices are too loud. 

_“Stay with me, hun. You’re going to be okay.”_

I don’t recognize the voice and it only encourages me to go back to wherever the hell it is I came from, away from the pain and the uncertainty. 

At least there, there aren’t these visions playing in my head like a movie. Whatever happened, it had to have happened to someone else. Not me. Not _him_. 

All I know is that I’d much rather go back to sleep, away from whatever this reality is that has me suspended in animation, lying in agony in a place unfamiliar to me.

And so I go, consciousness slipping away from me like sand in an hourglass. 

* * *

**Part VI:**

_I’m back in 2016, the summer after my first year in uni._

_I’m sitting on a pull-out bed with Rachel, a game of mancala sitting on the bed between us because Ms. Horne advised us to spend some time off our phones earlier. She left us here for “girls’ night” with Rachel's aunts about an hour ago and we’re wrapped up in our game now._

_But honestly we’re just bored because Rachel decided to sneak alcohol into the waterpark and her mom was not impressed. So we’ve decided to play it safe and just stay inside today._

_The balcony door is left open and I can hear the ocean right outside, barely audible waves crashing against the shoreline and I’d much rather be out there then inside the hotel right now._

_I glance up from our game, hearing the door close and their laughter fills the space before I can even see them. Nicky walks into the room, his cousins Liam and Omar following behind him. The three of them are dripping wet. They must be fresh out of the pool because I can smell the chlorine from here._

_The boys are playfully nudging each other in the side, going on about something they discussed before coming inside. Their presence is loud and nearly obnoxious, interrupting the quiet concentration that developed between Rachel and I._

_“Can you guys shut up?” Rachel snaps, looking up from our game in a huff._

_Omar glances towards her and laughs, “What? We’re interrupting your little pebble game?”_

_He grins as she narrows her eyes at him before his eyes shift to me, sparkling with unadulterated interest, “Hi Niaaa.”_

_I blush, glancing down at the game to make my move, smooth marbles slipping from my fingers, “Hi Omar.”_

_He comes and plops down on the bed beside me, “How are you doing, beautiful?”_

_“Hey, you realize you're getting the bed all wet?” Rachel rolls her eyes at him before I can respond._

_“It’ll dry,” he replies simply, keeping his eyes on me, “You don’t mind, do you, Nia?”_

_“It’s fine,” I let out a disheartening laugh, really wishing Omar would leave me alone as his arm casually snakes around my waist._

_I’m made even more uncomfortable because I’m in my bathing suit and he’s touching my bare skin. But it’s like whenever we’re in the room together, I’m Omar’s number one concern. Some days the attention is entertaining, other days it’s draining and I’m just glad I’m not around him often._

_“Actually,” Nicky comes over suddenly and grabs Omar by the back of the neck, forcing him up and away from the bed, “I’m the one actually sleeping there tonight and I think I’d prefer not to have to wait until it dries.”_

_“Hey man, c’mon,” Omar rolls his shoulders, doing his best to get out of Nicky’s grip, but Nicky doesn’t let him go until he can shove him towards the sofa._

_Rachel and I giggle as Omar sucks his teeth at Nicky and pouts, plopping down on the sofa._

_I glance at Nicky, silently thanking him with my eyes and he smiles at me, making me giddy before he leaves the room. I assume he’s heading towards the bathroom, presumably to grab a towel._

_“You girls been in here all day?” Liam asks, slouching against the arm of the sofa._

_“Yeah basically,” Rachel mumbles, “Mom’s mad about the whole thing at the waterpark yesterday.”_

_“Oh, yeah,” Liam and Omar exchange a look before laughing out loud._

_Omar arches a brow at me with a grin, “I didn’t think you’d be into doing that kind of thing, Nia.”_

_I crackle with laughter and shake my head, “That was all Rachel’s doing. I just won’t let her suffer alone.”_

_“Ah, you should have,” Omar smiles at me, “You could’ve hung out with us.”_

_“You say that like Nia wants to be around you more than she has to,” Nicky says, reemerging from the bathroom and chucking a towel at Omar’s head._

_“Man, look,” Omar says, catching the towel and smirking at Nicky, “Don’t be mad because what Nia and I have is special.”_

_I laugh, “I didn’t realize we had anything at all, Omar.”_

_Liam snorts, “Ouch.”_

_Nicky laughs and grins at Omar, handing Liam a towel, “That settles that.”_

_Omar rolls his eyes before looking at me, poking his lip out, “Nia, babe. You don’t have to pretend for these fools.”_

_I giggle, “I’m really not.”_

_“Can you guys please stop fighting over my friend?” Rachel interrupts, “You guys realize she’s here for me, right? Like she didn’t come to spend time with any of you.”_

_“You really expect me to believe that?” Omar asks, arching a brow at Rachel before grinning at me, “I know she told you I’d be here so you just had to come.”_

_“I’m pretty sure if Rachel told her you’d be here, Nia would have preferred to stay at home,” Liam interrupts with a snicker._

_The boys and Rachel go back and forth bickering about the reasoning behind my presence on their family vacation for the next twenty minutes. I occasionally butt in to defend myself, but generally I’m entertained enough just to let them go at._

_Besides they haven’t actually gotten it right yet anyway._

_“Hey,” Nicky finally interrupts them, snacking on a bag of chips he grabbed from the small kitchen as he checks his phone, “Bri and Shannon wanna meet down at the beach.”_

_“Let’s go,” Liam says immediately, hopping up from his seat, disregarding his towel on the sofa, “Rachel and Omar are getting on my damn nerves.”_

_“Me?” Rachel says, looking at him as if he’s crazy, “It’s been Omar this whole time. Besides it’s the three of you that came in here disturbing the peace.”_

_Omar rolls his eyes at her, walking up to me and pinching my cheek with a grin, “I’ve just been trying to make Nia laugh. Say what you want, but it’s been working.”_

_Sadly, I can’t help but to laugh as he leans down to tickle me. I’m not obvious to the fact he’s trying to cop a feel, but I don’t have to worry because Nicky is on him immediately, grabbing him by the neck again and pushing him towards the door._

_I chuckle, shaking my head as I overhear Omar’s being dramatic and complaining to Liam about Nicky’s being too aggressive as they head down the hallway._

_Nicky only rolls his eyes, glancing at me and Rachel before arching a brow, “You two want to come?”_

_“You know Mom will kill me,” Rachel replies with a sigh before grinning at Nicky “But, um, what are you all going to do?”_

_Nicky smirks, “Walk on the beach, duh.”_

_“And?” Rachel urges, arching her brows._

_He laughs, “That’s all you’re going to be doing if you come along anyway,” he grins, “Don’t worry about all the rest.”_

_“Whatever,” Rachel laughs, glancing at me, “What you wanna do?”_

_I bite my lip, knowing good and well I want to go with Nicky. Even if it’s just to steal a couple of fleeting moments with him, but I still didn’t want to get Rachel in any more trouble. But the fact that Nicky was inviting us meant there’s a good chance he’ll be able to talk his mom out of a punishment later._

_Plus, I didn’t mind seeing Nicky getting all protective over me with Omar around. My gaze shifts to him and I bite my lip, knowing I’ll also grab hold onto any chance to keep seeing him in these swimming trunks too._

_“Let’s go,” I tell them with a grin._

_An hour later, I’m feeling conflicted as Omar settles down beside me, offering me a slip of whatever is in his cup. We’re sitting in a couple of lounge chairs that they brought down from the hotel room, close enough to the ocean so that the waves are washing over our feet, causing them to sink into the sand. The others are doing their own various activities, some in the water and others minding their business in the background._

_“Want some?” Omar shrugs, offering me a smile._

_“Well, what is it?” I ask him, curiosity getting the best of me and I’m already reaching for it._

_“Hey Nia,” Nicky calls my name and I pause, glancing towards him as he approaches and I’m feeling a little guilty for some unknown reason._

_I don't really know why, but I quickly drop my hand and my cheeks are growing warm as Omar rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair._

_“Yeah?” I say, biting my lip as Nicky bends over to get level with me._

_He grins, settling in the space between Omar and I, “You wanna walk with me down to the pier?”_

_“What are you going to the pier for?” Omar asks with a grumble before I can answer._

_“I don’t recall asking you,” Nicky tells him, turning back towards me with a smile, “What you say, peaches?”_

_I bite my lip and blush at the nickname, “Yeah, sure.”_

_“Let’s go,” he grins and I stand to follow him as we leave the others behind. Rachel is busy with Bri and Shannon now so I figure she won’t even notice I’m gone._

_Nicky and I walk along the beach slowly, chatting along the way to the pier. I honestly can’t believe he asked me to come with him because he’s never asked to get me alone before._

_And it’s like he’s taking the opportunity to find out everything about me, one question after another and I just feel honored that he wants to know._

_He asks what I’m going to school for again. Art. Why? Because I love it. Tell me more._

_And I do, telling him exactly how I feel with a paintbrush in my hand and inspiration in my brain. I tell him it’s not just one art form, but sculptures and pottery and photography and I want to know a little bit of everything. He smiles and listens intently to me the entire time, saying he’s happy I’m following my dreams._

_He asks if I’m having fun. Definitely. He wants to know how my parents are. They’re good._

_I’m happy to tell him all about me but my comfort level plummets when we actually arrive under the pier. There’s basically no one around and Nicky leads me behind one the supporting columns before he takes a seat in the sand._

_He pulls out a blunt and lighter from I don’t even know where and I feel a little silly for not catching on sooner. It’s not my first rodeo hanging out with someone who smokes, Rachel does all the time. I just… I’ve just never smoked before myself._

_I’m stiff as I take a seat beside him, knowing I’m about to pretend to be more experienced than I actually am. But I’m a rubbish actress. And honestly I’m a bit confused because he just finished the academy and well… Wasn’t this illegal?_

_His movements are casual as he lights it and I know he’s definitely done this before, possibly on the regular. I’m watching his movements carefully because I need to know how to follow them. I never really paid Rachel and our friends any attention before._

_He places it between his lips and inhales before offering it to me as he blows out a cloud of smoke. He makes it look sexy, but I grimace because I’m honestly so nervous and I’m scared that I’m about to embarrass myself._

_“Hey,” he grins at me as he notices my hesitation, “Relax, girl. It’s not a trap. I won’t let you get in trouble. If I couldn’t get you off, I wouldn’t put you in the situation.”_

_I blush, playing with my studded earring, “Yeah but don’t they like… drug test you and stuff?”_

_He smirks, arching a brow at me, “Don’t worry about me, just enjoy it.”_

_I bite my lip, considering for a moment as I glance at it._

_He arches his brow curiously when I still hesitate, “Only if you want to though, you don’t have to. I don’t want to put any pressure on you if you’re not into this.”_

_I frown, looking at it again before taking it from his hand, “I just don’t know… how?”_

_He laughs, “I’ll teach you.”_

_After a coughing spell and some watery eyes, I’m finally comfortable again and we’re relaxing on the sand._

_I’m feeling giddy and I’m honestly just vibing with him, staring out to the ocean as it pushes and pulls against the earth, the sun is starting to set and I’ve never seen colors so pretty. I wonder if I could recreate them._

_“You know I really shouldn’t have brought you over here,” Nicky tells me, looking down at his feet and digging his toe into the sand as he passes the blunt back to me._

_“Why not?” I ask him, taking it from him. I feel more confident now, raising it to my lips and taking a puff._

_“I’m being a bad influence,” he chuckles, glancing at me, “You’re a good girl. Plus I wouldn’t do this with Rachel so I probably shouldn’t be doing it with you.”_

_I chuckle, furrowing my brows at him, “Why wouldn’t you do this with Rachel?”_

_“Rachel needs more stability from me,” he sighs, “I try to offer some kind of balance. Not really discipline but…” he glances at me, “She’s always an extreme. You know this. She can’t do anything and be chill about it.”_

_I laugh and shrug my shoulders, “Yeah, you’re right. But I think you might be a little late to this party.”_

_He laughs, taking the blunt from my fingers, “Yeah. I figured, but I can front, can’t I? Unfortunately, I can’t be her friend. I have to be her brother first.”_

_I nod in understanding, knowing he actually has to step up as much more than just a brother._

_We’re quiet for a couple of moments. I’m more relaxed with him than I’ve ever been before, but I’m starting to feel a little trippy and a giggle escapes my lips for no apparent reason._

_“You know, I haven’t told anyone, but I reached out to our dad,” Nicky blurts out suddenly._

_I blink rapidly, taken a bit off guard as I glance at him curiously, “You… You did?”_

_“Yeah,” he twists his lip and shrugs, “I had some problems finding out exactly who he is, Mom doesn’t talk about him. But, um,” he scratches his ear, “I have a friend who kinda helped me out with that, turns out he lives in the U.S. now. Travels a lot though, he has a house about five miles down the beach.”_

_“Wait,” I look at him, arching a brow, “Your dad... has a house five miles down the beach? Like,” I point at the sand, “This beach? This beach right here?”_

_He laughs and nods to the other side of me, “Yeah. That direction.”_

_“What the hell?” I say in disbelief, looking over my shoulder before turning back to face him._

_That means his dad has to be loaded, you don’t just own a house on a beach like this and live in a whole other country. I wonder how Nicky feels about that, not that his family is poor by any means. But to find out your dad was rich enough to own multiple houses and not be invested in your life… Well, I can only imagine how that must feel._

_I bite my lip, “So what are you going to do with that information?”_

_He shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Just because he owns the house, that doesn’t mean he’s actually there anyway.”_

_I consider for a moment, picking up some sand and watching it fall through my fingers, “Why did you go looking for him in the first place?’_

_“I just… Wanted to know?” he replies unsurely, glancing at me, “I mean yeah, I’m here. I’m lovin’ life. But I feel like I didn’t know anything about my dad. I’m fucking, what? Twenty-two? He left when I was four. I didn’t remember what he looked like or anything.”_

_“So… you didn’t?” I ask Nicky with an arched brow. “But you do now? So you’ve, like, met up with him?”_

_He chuckles, inhaling with the joint between his lips as he shrugs, “Yeah… yeah, I did.”_

_“How did it go?” I ask him quietly, scooting closer and silently hoping my hand on his shoulder offers some kind of comfort._

_He sighs, “I mean it was what I expected. I could barely stand to even stay when I saw him. I was pissed. He came in there, patted me on the shoulder like he’s been in my life for the past fucking eighteen years,” he pauses and shakes his head, taking another puff before handing it back to me._

_“I mean I know I said meeting him went how I expected, but damn,” Nicky lets out a deep breath, smoke filling the space between us, “He’s not who I expected that he would be.”_

_I frown, “What do you mean?”_

_He tilts his head from side to side as if he’s considering what to tell me, “He’s…” he hesitates, biting his lip, “He’s kind of got a reputation,” he glances at me and chuckles, “It’s actually kind of funny I’m his son when you think about it.”_

_“You gonna let me in on the joke or...?” I ask playfully, resting my chin on his shoulder._

_“No,” he chuckles, glancing at me and bringing his face unbelievably close to mine, “Probably better off not knowing, peaches.”_

_“You know you’re the only person who still calls me peaches,” I tell him with a frown, my eyes lazily drifting over his face, “You make me feel like a stripper.”_

_He bursts out laughing, “I... probably didn’t need that visual,” he grins at me, “I’m sorry. You want me to stop calling you that?”_

_I furrow my brows at him, “Wait. What do you mean you didn’t need that visual?”_

_A smirk plays on his lips and he runs his tongue over his lip, “Rachel would be mad if I told you.”_

_“Rachel’s not here,” I say with a grin._

_He laughs and shakes his head, obviously ignoring my question. Now I’ve left wondering if he thinks I’m ugly._

_“Do you have a boyfriend, Nia?” He asks me suddenly._

_“Huh?” My heart drops and I blink, “Uhh. No…?”_

_He nods, mostly to himself, “Cool. Just asking.”_

_“Why?” I say, chewing on my lip nervously. Was he interested? Because if he was…_

_He glances at me from the corner of his eyes and grins, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”_

_“I would actually,” I say with a frown, leaning closer to him._

_He laughs, reaching over and pulling on one of my curls, “Are you ready to head back? The others are gonna start wondering where we’re at. I wouldn’t want Omar to get too jealous.”_

_I roll my eyes and blush, “Oh. So you’re asking if I have a boyfriend for Omar then?”_

_He shrugs, smiling at me, “Maybe. Maybe not.”_

_I suck my teeth in Omar-fashion as I stand to my feet, dusting the sand off my butt, “You’re such a tease.”_

_He laughs, his eyes seeming to drift down to follow my movements before he catches himself and makes a point to look up at my eyes instead, “You’re only saying that because I won’t tell you what you want.”_

_“That’s exactly why I’m saying that,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest._

_He grins and pushes himself from the ground, “Always so honest with me. That’s why I can trust you.”_

_“Ummhm,” I huff, making him laugh and he wraps his arm around my shoulder before we head back down the beach._

_“You’re a cutie, you know that?” He tells me, squeezing my shoulder with a chuckle._

_My cheeks are on fire and I turn into a giggling mess because I don’t really know what to say back and he laughs._

_I feel like we should’ve kissed here, but I know Nicky doesn’t feel that way about me. Or at least I think he doesn’t because he would’ve felt it too and made the move, right?_

_But I’ll worry about that later because right now, there’s only us and the waves and the seagulls and setting sun. Summertime hues all around us and I’ll settle for keeping my heart in my chest instead of on my sleeve today._

_I lean against him more than I should, enjoying our nearness, the subtle brush of our skin against each other as we walk across the warm sand back to his family._

_I bite my lip before I glance up at him, “By the way, I won’t say anything to Rachel… or your mom.”_

_“I know,” he replies, glancing at me before pressing a kiss to top of my head and making my blush deeper._

_“That’s why I told you,” he says with a smile, squeezing me under his arm again and I giggle._

* * *

**Part VII:**

Now I don’t know exactly what happened. I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been out, drug induced, and drifting in and out of consciousness. I know my parents are in the room, I know I can’t really move my right arm and that _everything_ is in some constant state of pain, whether it’s dull or extreme is completely dependent on when a nurse walks in the room. 

And I know I’m coming back to my senses, but there’s something that I don’t know and it’s killing me. 

“Momma? Dad?” I attempt to sit up, wincing and realizing my arm is in a sling and that’s part of the reason why I can’t move it. The soreness doesn’t help, but the pain is nothing compared to the raw fear and grief gripping my heart right now. 

My mom looks up at me from her chair in surprise, rushing over to my bedside immediately. Her face is flooded with some relief and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days, “Oh my god, Nia, honey.” 

She goes to reach for my hand but I’m too busy trying to shift out of bed, the IV in my arm causing me to pause as a sharp pain shots up my arm.

“Baby girl, slow down,” my dad is suddenly on my other side, gently encouraging me to lay back onto the bed. But there’s a buried memory of blood dripping from Nicky’s head, his eyes shut, and his body motionless against the steering wheel running through my head and there’s no fucking way I’m about to slow down.

“Where’s Nicky?” I say frantically, tears are already forming in my eyes and my chest is hollow. I turn to look at my dad and I’m starting to hyperventilate, “Daddy, where is he?” 

“Baby, calm down,” My dad tells me, his voice stern and smoothing as he helps my mom settle me back into bed, “He’s okay, honey. He’s okay.” 

“What?” I nearly choke on the word, looking at him in disbelief as relief floods through every part of my soul, “He’s okay? Where is he? I need to see him.”

A nurse rushes in around the corner before my parents can answer me, “Is everything okay in here?”

After I’ve been given a light sedation to calm my nerves, the nurse exits the room and my parents watch over me with worried expressions.

My mom cautiously sits on the end of my bed, her hand gently rubbing up and down my arm, but it’s like she’s afraid to actually touch me. Her eyes drift over me and I wish I was five years old again and snuggled in her arms, making her smile when I tell her about how I learned about the color blue at school and how the ocean is that color, just like her eyes. 

Because as she tilts her head towards me now, her smile is sad. Relieved, but I can see the residue of the fear she experienced recently over the potential loss of my life, the life of her only child.

“You’ll get to see him soon, honey,” she tells me, biting her lip, “I know this is scary. I’m, um,” her eyes wail up and I’m partially guilty that I scared her so much, “I’m just glad you’re awake now.” 

I swallow and go to nod my head, but my neck hurts and it makes the small movement difficult. 

“You have to recover some before we can move you around,” my dad adds, pacing back and forth at the end of my bed. He pauses and glances up at me, “Then you can worry about _him_.”

The way he refers to Nicky, it’s like he’s splitting his name and I narrow my eyes at my father. 

“Noah, don’t,” my mother warns, snapping her head towards him to give him a look that means to shut the hell up. 

My dad shakes his head, grumbling under his breath as he goes back to pacing.

“Hun, don’t pay your dad any attention,” my mother says, turning back towards me, the same smile on her lips, “It’s perfectly normal for you to be worried about him. After all,” she pauses, swallowing back a lump in her throat, but whatever she was about to say, she decides against it. 

She chews on her lip before speaking again, “But anyway, your dad is right about one thing. You do need to rest.”

“What happened?” I squeak, my eyelids feeling heavy and I focus on watching my dad walk back and forth in order to keep me awake as all these different emotions I can’t quite name stir within me. 

My dad finally stops pacing as my mom looks at me with uncertainty. She doesn’t answer and looks back to exchange a look with my dad as he comes to my bedside. 

There’s an unspoken tension in the air and I don’t really know what to expect, but I’m clinging onto consciousness. Because I need to know _something_ , but I’m still so damn _tired_. 

“I don’t know if we should tell you this yet,” my mom finally says, her eyes drifting to me as she bites her lip before glancing back at my dad. 

They stare at each other for another moment before my dad lets out a deep breath and meets my eyes. He frowns and reaches for my cheek ever so gently, wiping away a tear with his thumb and I realize I don’t know when I started crying. 

“Maybe... “ he says, his brown eyes softening as he looks over my face, tears forming in the corner of his eyes, “Maybe it’s best if we wait. Just a little longer. When the detective is here.” 

And that’s when I remember that the brakes weren’t working, something was wrong with the tire.

And I know that nothing about that accident was an accident. 

* * *

A couple of hours later, I’m awake again. I think I’m in a better headspace, but I can’t really be sure. I still haven’t seen Nicky, but my dad is providing me with updates, texting his mom or Rachel occasionally when I ask. I still haven’t seen either one of them yet though.

_“He’s coming out of surgery.”_

_“Honey, he’s still asleep. He has to recover too.”_

_“He’s awake now, but the doctor said…”_

_“He’s asking about you too.”_

Knowing that he’s alive is more than I can be thankful for right now, but I’m still upset I haven’t seen him. I want to see his face, I want to hold him in my arms, I want to smell his cologne. I want to take care of him, take away any pain he’s experiencing and make sure he’s wanting for nothing.

It’s tearing me apart that I can’t be there for him. 

But honestly, right now I can barely take care of myself. 

I’ve finally been able to get up and go to the bathroom, relieved to find out my legs aren’t seriously injured. And once I was able to wash, I turned down the assistant of the nurse, preferring my mother’s assistance instead. 

But as she helped to undress me, I burst into tears when I saw myself in the mirror. My body was black and blue, giving way to dull brown and yellow hues. Mostly on the right side from where I was slammed against the car door. My face is cut and swollen. 

And well, I guess I started crying because it still didn’t feel real before that moment. I could feel the pain, the soreness, go through the motions, but seeing this version of myself in the mirror made it very real. 

I felt helpless because I couldn’t even do something as simple as wash without crying and needing assistance. 

Luckily, my mom, being the woman she is, offered me some happiness in the middle of my broken world. Her arms wrapped around me as she soothed me, her tender love being the only thing that helped me partially accept the reality of what happened. 

The next day, it seemed like my mom and dad never put the phone down because my family members were constantly calling to make sure I was alright now, asking if they could hear my voice. 

_“Well, she’s still recovering.”_

_“No, I think she’s asleep right now.”_

_“She needs some time.”_

That didn’t stop Tom and Miki from coming by for a couple of minutes before leaving to check on Rachel, but I was asleep. They dropped off the cutest teddy bear and I figured I’d have a good place for it at home. 

* * *

  
  


“Hey girl,” I peek open my eyes and a smile immediately crosses my face at the sight of her. 

Rachel smiles at me, her hand resting on my arm, “You feeling alright?” 

“Oh my god, Rachel,” I want to sit up to hug her, but the haze of pain medication and my sling makes it difficult. 

She laughs and gently wraps her arm around my shoulder, snuggling me close and nuzzling her face in my neck, “Girl. I’m so happy to see you.” 

“You’re telling me,” I say, I use the little bit of strength I have to squeeze her with my good arm.

She laughs softly, sitting back in the chair beside me, “I know I’ve owed you a visit,” she grins, “Your parents are out getting something to eat besides hospital food. I told them they better bring you back a cheeseburger.” 

I laugh, “That sounds _so_ good right now. I’m surprised you convinced them to leave.” 

“You know I got you,” she squeezes my hand and winks, “But I am not allowed to leave your side until they get back. No matter what. Your dad’s orders.” 

I giggle and roll my eyes. 

“You don’t understand how much I’ve missed you,” I tell her with a smile, returning her grip. 

“I miss you too, girl. I haven’t even gone home. But I guess it’s only been about three days technically,” she smiles sadly, dragging her free hand over her face as she shakes her head, “The longest three days of my life, but three days nonetheless.” 

I nod slowly, a sigh leaving my lips as I sit back, “How have you been?” I bite my lip as I glance at her, “Is… Is Nicky doing okay today?”

She nods, leaning back in her chair and crossing her ankles, “Yeah… He’s stable. I don’t know how much your parents have told you, but he had some internal bleeding so he needed surgery. But he’s alright, he’s going to make it,” she looks down at her feet as she bites her lip, “My brother is a strong guy.” 

“Yeah,” I agree with her, thankful for a more detailed update, only wishing I could take his injuries away and see him for myself, “Yeah, he is.” 

_I miss him so much…_

She glances up at me and smiles, “You know I can’t let him down though. He’s always been there for me, so I have to be there for him now. But I mean…” she frowns, her eyes unfocused, “It’s been scary, yeah. No where near what you’ve experienced, but…” 

She pulls up the sleeve of her hoodie and wipes her eye, sniffing as she tries to hold it together. I know Rachel hates to cry but the pitiful laugh she tries to use to cover it up is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, “I almost lost my brother and my best friend in one night.” 

“Girl, come here,” I bite my lip, doing my best to build a dam to hold in my own tears but as she sits onto the bed beside me and wraps me in her arms, we cry together. 

When my parents arrive back with dinner, Rachel and I are still snuggled on the bed together. My head on her shoulder as she holds up her phone for us to watch Game of Thrones since the hospital’s TV channels suck. 

And well, I feel a step closer to home, I guess.

There’s just one more person I need to see. 

Then maybe I can allow myself to reflect on how I ended up here in the first place. 

Because underneath these calm stages of my recovery, I know there’s someone out there that wants Nicky dead.


	4. Dwell On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Which is why we need to talk to you,” Detective Montes adds, clearing his throat, “We just have a couple of questions then we’ll let you rest. We understand you’ve been through a lot.” 
> 
> I simply nod again and let out a deep sigh, “Yeah, of course. Anything to help.” 
> 
> “Good, let’s go ahead and get started,” Detective Williams says, putting out a small notepad before meeting my eyes, “Can you tell us what you and Detective Horne were doing that night before the accident?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> This particular chapter DOES INCLUDE experiences mentioned above.
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.

**Part VIII:**

My father is reading out loud, but soon his voice pauses and I open my eyes to see him glancing up from the book he was reading to me as the nurse leads in an official looking pair. My mother is in the corner chair, leaning on her fist half-asleep. But she jumps up as the nurse speaks. 

“Here you are, detectives,” the nurse says, he glances at me and offers me an encouraging smile, “Nia, these two detectives are here to speak with you about the accident.” 

I immediately recognize the man. Brown skin and blue eyes familiar, encouraging yet intense; Tom’s older brother. I’ve met him before at some function or event. I can’t remember if it was something for Tom or some work event I attended with Rachel for Nicky. Possibly both. 

He steps up to me with a reassuring smile as the nurse steps out of the room, “Hello Nia, good to see you again. I wish it was under different circumstances.” 

I sit up the best that I can, offering him a small smile as I rub the sleepiness from my eyes, “Yeah, you too, Detective Montes. I know Tom came by yesterday. I was asleep though, how is he?” 

“He’s alright, worried about you, of course,” He tells me with a small smile. I nod, suddenly missing my friend and wondering when I’m going to get to hang out again. 

Camilo turns to introduce himself to my parents, “Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes. Your daughter and I have already met before. She’s friends with my brother. I’m Detective Montes, this is my partner,” he gestures to the woman who entered the room with him. 

I haven’t met her before. It’s possible I’ve seen her though. Short blonde bangs falling over her turquoise colored eyes as she nods at me in greeting. She seems nice enough, but I have a feeling she plays the bad cop in this duo. 

She steps up and shakes my father’s hand, “I’m Detective Iona Williams. We’re investigating your daughter’s case. We’re afraid that we discovered there was foul play involved in the car accident,” she glances at me, “We wanted to stop by and ask a few questions.” 

“Is now a good time, Nia?” Detective Montes asks me.

I exchange a look with my parents, my mom sits up rubbing her eyes before she frowns. We knew this was coming.

I glance back towards the detectives before nodding. As nice as Detective Montes is, I’m not even sure if I really had the option to say no. 

“Would it be possible for us to speak to you alone?” Detective Williams asks, her hands in her pockets as she glances at my parents.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I say, gesturing for my parents to go ahead and leave the room. I know they’re worried, but I’m not a child. 

My dad frowns as he closes his book and stands to his feet. He seems hesitant as the detectives wait quietly.

“We’ll be right outside,” he tells me, looking in my eyes and offering me a smile before he and my mother leave the room. My mother glances over her shoulder with a concerned expression, but my dad urges her forward, his hand on her back. 

“So Nia,” Detective Montes says with a comforting smile almost as soon as the door closes, coming to my bedside, “How are you feeling? I know you’ve been through a lot these past couple of days...” 

“I guess I’m alright, all things considered,” I say, looking down at my hands, “Nicky’s alive… I have a busted shoulder, but I guess that’s nothing surgery can’t fix.” 

I don’t mention how I’m worried about school. How I’m right handed and I don’t know how I’m going to paint, how I’m doing to sculpt, how I’m going to create if my shoulder doesn’t heal correctly. The doctor talked about scar tissue and I'm probably always going to have trouble from now on. 

I don’t mention how I’m scared because someone tried to kill the love of my life and how I almost died along with him. How the fact that they're here now means there’s still someone out there trying to hurt him. I don’t mention how I haven’t seen him and it’s ripping me apart. I know I love him but I don’t know what we are, where we stand. I haven’t even heard his voice. 

I don’t mention how my parents have been searching for a therapist who specializes in trauma at the doctor’s recommendation. I don’t mention how I’m scared to leave the hospital in a few days because I’m nervous about getting in a car again. 

I’m trying not to dwell on it. 

I glance up, realizing whatever Detective Montes said went in one ear and out the other. I tuned it out. It was probably just small talk anyway.

I look between the two of them as they look at me expectedly. I don’t really know what to say so I just go for the obvious. 

“So do you, um…” I start, biting my lip, “Do you two work with Nicky a lot?” 

Detective Williams cracks a half smile at me and nods. She pulls up one of the chairs and sits at my bedside, “Yeah, we do. And trust us when we say we’re going to work incredibly hard to figure out what happened that night. For his sake and for yours.” 

I swallow and nod. 

“Which is why we need to talk to you,” Detective Montes adds, clearing his throat, “We just have a couple of questions then we’ll let you rest. We understand you’ve been through a lot.” 

I simply nod again and let out a deep sigh, “Yeah, of course. Anything to help.” 

“Good, let’s go ahead and get started,” Detective Williams says, putting out a small notepad before meeting my eyes, “Can you tell us what you and Detective Horne were doing that night before the accident?” 

“Yeah, umm,” I snort and hide my face in my hand as my cheeks flush at the memory. The detectives arch a brow as I let out a deep sigh and compose myself. There’s a subtle hint of amusement under their serious exteriors. 

“Well… he was going to drop me off at home, but I didn’t have my keys with me. So, he, um…” I bite my lip, “Offered to let me stay with him. So we were headed back to his place before… before it happened.” 

“What time was this?” Iona asks me. 

“Um,” I frown, trying to think, “I didn’t really pay attention. But we left the bar at, like, 2 something… So I’d say it was a little past 3… in the morning.

Iona nods, taking notes. 

“And where were your keys?” Detective Montes asks, pulling my attention towards him.

I frown, “I think Rachel had them, if she didn’t lose them at the bar. She’s my roommate,” I tell them, “I forgot to get them from her when we left.” 

“Rachel…?” Detective Williams arches a brow at me.

“Oh, Horne,” I say quickly, “Nicky’s sister.” 

Detective Williams nods, jotting down a couple of notes before she looks back up at me, “So you and Horne know each pretty well?” 

“Yeah,” I nod, my blush deepening, “We… kind of grew up together, I guess. Rachel’s always been my best friend so I’ve known Nicky since we were kids.” 

“And how exactly would you describe your relationship with Detective Horne?” Detective Williams asks, glancing back up at me from her notepad. 

I let out a small laugh, “That probably wouldn’t have been a tough question before that night.”

She arches a brow at me and I bite my lip. 

“What I mean is, like…” I sigh, “We’ve always been just friends, but that night… We kind of hooked up, I guess? Not really, but like a little bit. I’m definitely not his girlfriend,” I say quickly, cringing at myself, “That was the first time I’ve seen him in like months but...” 

My voice trails off. I’m feeling weird and awkward because I know I should trust them but at the same time they’re his co-workers. And honestly, it’s embarrassing to have to spell out my love life. 

I’m not about to admit that I’ve always had feelings for Nicky and that I was ready to let him hit this the moment I saw him that night. 

“It’s complicated,” Detective Montes finishes my sentence for me and offers me a comforting smile. 

“Yeah, that’s a good word for it,” I tell him, blushing deeper but thankful. 

“So you haven’t seen him in months before that night?” Detective Williams asks the question to me. 

I nod and do some odd version of a shrug, “Yeah. We text occasionally, but that’s all.” 

“So you don’t think it’s possible someone wanted you in the car with him?” She asks.

I frown, my lips pressing together in a flat line as I consider. Honestly, I knew his job was dangerous, but I didn’t think anyone would ever actually want to _murder_ him. Let alone kill anyone else along with him. And definitely not me…? 

“Um… No?” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “I don’t know why anyone would want me in the car with him.” 

She nods to herself, writing something down. 

“So, Nia,” Detective Montes asks, turning my attention to him, “Do you remember anything odd about the car that night?” 

“Yes,” I say quickly because this is something I’m sure of. I’ve been ready to tell someone since I woke up, “There was something wrong with the tire on my side and the brakes stopped working.”

The two detectives exchange a look before glancing back at me. They didn’t seem surprised. 

“And what did Detective Horne do when he realized the brakes were working?” Detective Montes asks.

“Um,” I frown, “He tried to calm me down, but he was being kind of weird. Like he thought someone was following us so he didn’t want to stop.” 

Detective Montes nods to himself, glancing at Detective Williams as she writes down more notes. I chew on my lip as they silently exchange a look before Detective Montes turns back to me. 

“How about just a couple more questions and we’ll let you rest?” He asks, that same reassuring smile on his face, letting you know he really has your best interest at heart. 

“Go ahead,” I tell him, wishing I could twiddle my thumbs but the sling makes it difficult. 

“Alright then,” he says, smiling at my readiness, “Do you have an ex-boyfriend? Maybe someone who would be jealous of seeing you and Horne together that night?” 

I frown, slowly shaking my head, “I’ve only had like… two boyfriends. One in high school and the other I broke up with like two years ago. I haven’t heard from him since.” 

He nods, glancing at Iona, “Can we still have his name?”

“Yeah,” I say, biting my lip, “Rafi…” 

“Thank you,” Detective Montes says simply, glancing at his partner. 

“Have your parents ever expressed a dislike for Detective Horne?” Detective Williams asks me calmly.

“Huh?” I furrow my brows together, “Excuse me? My parents?”

“We’re only asking because we have to,” She says reassuringly, “We have to rule out all suspects.”

“No,” I say immediately, my lips pressed into a tight line, “My parents have always loved Nicky. Our families are close.” 

She nods, seemingly satisfied. 

“Alright, last question,” Detective Williams tells me, meeting my eyes. Under the calm exterior, there’s something warning me not to lie and it puts me on edge, “Has Detective Horne ever mentioned a man by the name of Nicholas Bosa to you?” 

I blink in confusion, that’s not what I was expecting, “Uh… no. No, he hasn’t.” 

The detectives exchange another look. Williams nods at Montes before standing to her feet. 

“Thank you very much for your time, Nia,” she says, gracing me with another smile. But now I’m feeling utterly confused. 

“Wait. Who’s Nicholas Bosa?” I ask them. Did they already have a suspect? 

Iona frowns at me, “I’m afraid we can’t provide you with any additional details since this is an open investigation.” 

I go to protest because this involves me. I was _in_ the car. Surely I have a right to know, but Detective Montes interrupts before the words can even leave my mouth. 

“I’m sorry, Nia,” He tells me with a sigh, genuine concern in his eyes as they drift over me, “As soon as we know more, we’ll let you know.”

* * *

Part I - (Welcome to the Mind of Nicky Horne)

_Back to 2016._

_“So you want to become a detective, huh?” My father says, his eyes the same shade of brown as my own and I honestly can’t believe how much of myself I see as he looks back at me._

_I swallow and nod my head, looking down at the mug in my hand. My fingers are gripping it so tightly I feel like it’s going to burst and the contents are going to bubble and explode from the heat of my frustration and anger any second now._

_He gives me a hearty laugh, the sound is almost comforting if it wasn’t for the sarcastic edge._

_You can never tell if he actually cares or not._

_I glance up at him and he grins at me, bringing his own mug to his lips and nodding his head at whatever his own thoughts are._

_“I’m impressed,” he says eventually, “Not what I expected from Erikah’s son. But I’m impressed.”_

_“You realize I’m your son too, right?” I nearly growl the words._

_“Watch your tone, son,” he tells me, arching a brow as he sits up in his seat, sitting his mug onto the table between us, “You want me to be your father, you’ll respect me like I am.”_

_“Who the fuck said that I wanted you to be my father?” I snap and the next thing I know his hand is around my throat and he’s dragging me up and out my seat._

_His face inches from mine now and he grins, “You’re here, aren’t you?”_

_I don’t respond as I hold his gaze and he chuckles, “I don’t know what they told you at the academy, son.”_

_He squeezes my throat tighter, my pride slipping away as his fingers dig into my skin while he pauses and looks me in my eyes, “But you’re not a man yet.”_

_I have to gasp for air as he lets me go and pushes me back into my seat. My hand comes up to rub the soreness away and I’m trying to figure out why the fuck I’m here again._

_My father relaxes back into his seat, bringing his mug back to his lips casually as if I wasn’t struggling to drag air back into my lungs._

_“This is the good stuff,” he tells me, smacking his lips and raising the mug at me with a grin, “Had one of my guys pick up while he was Jamaica. You like it?”_

_I attempt to regain my composure, glancing down at my mug as I twist my lip, “It’s coffee.”_

_He laughs and shakes his head, “Ah. You’ll learn to appreciate the finer things in life. The small things.”_

_I resist the urge to roll my eyes and instead bring the cup to my lips, taking a sip and letting the hot liquid burn my throat._

_So I lied to her yesterday._

_I made it seem like I didn’t know he was here. When in fact, I was well-aware that I’d be sneaking out the hotel room this morning to meet him again. He called, I answered._

_And so I lied to my mom. I lied to Rachel._

_But I had to get it off my chest to somebody. And she trusted me enough not to ask too many questions._

_I wasn’t even dating her yet and I was already taking advantage of her._

_“So tell me, son,” my father clears his throat bringing me from my thoughts as he taps his fingers on the table, “Why a detective? Was it the shiny badge? The gun?” He grins, “The women?”_

_I grimace, sitting my mug on the table. I briefly consider not telling him at all, but something in me won’t allow me to sit in silence at accusation of falling to the superficial._

_“You remember my uncle Mason?” I arch a brow at him, “Don’t you?”_

_My mother’s brother, he was more of a father to me than anyone else. That was until he disappeared back in 2003. No one knows why. I didn’t understand how the department let his case run cold after vowing he was one of their own._

_They were supposed to be teaching me about brotherhood but they eventually just assumed he skipped town. Or at least that’s what they told us. But I knew him better than that and I had my eye on a very particular case for the moment I’d be promoted._

_My father chuckles and nods his head, “How could I forget? We did some business together back in the day. Before your mother couldn’t handle this shit anymore.”_

_I furrow my brows, “What?”_

_He grins at my disbelief._

_“What?” he mocks and chuckles, shaking his head, “You thought we didn’t work together? Come on, son,” he leans forward, gesturing between us, “This is a business. You have to learn about compromise. Shame Mason couldn’t be here to teach you that. But I guess that’s why you’re here now. He left you a mantle to pick up, now you need somebody to help you carry it.”_

_I sit up and narrow my eyes at him, my leg bouncing under the table, “You know what happened to him?”_

_He shrugs, tilting his head from side to side, “No, heard some rumors here and there. But,” he shrugs again and grins at me, “Nothing solid. Nothing worth your time, son.”_

_“Stop calling me son,” I grind my teeth together, disappointed as I look back down at the mug in my hand._

_I can feel him as he raises his eyebrows at me, “That’s what you are, aren’t you? My son. Don’t forget, you looked for me.”_

_“I wish I hadn’t,” I mumble, shaking my head before meeting his eyes again._

_He chuckles, leaning over to pat my arm, “Ah. You don’t mean that.”_

_“I’m pretty sure that I do,” I tell him, my lip pressed into a fine line._

_He rolls his eyes, “Let’s cut through all the daddy issue bullshit. Grow the fuck up.”_

_I look at him stunned as he stands from his seat, picking up his mug as he heads toward the grand balcony behind me._

_“Come on,” he calls after me, not even giving me time to let the sting settle._

_I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut before I reluctantly stand to my feet, following him out into the salty air, the ocean breeze moving the trees nearby as I come to stand beside him._

_We stand there for a moment, looking out over the ocean as the sun rises in the distance._

_“You don’t get views like this without compromise,” he tells me, patting me on the back._

_I stand there silently as he glances at me, resting his hand on my shoulder._

_“This,” he says as he points out towards the ocean, “Is a million dollar view.”_

_“I don’t give a shit about that,” I say, putting my hands in the pockets of my trunks. I was planning to stop by the pool or hop in the ocean on my way back so that mom wouldn’t get suspicious about where I’ve been._

_Maybe the current would carry out some of the guilt already creeping into my head._

_My father chuckles again. I’m already getting really tired of hearing his laugh. The cruelty hidden in the sound is not what I expected from the man who was supposed to be there to help raise me._

_“As you shouldn’t,” he says, glancing out at the ocean before rising his mug to his lips, “You know I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy lately.”_

_I snort, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes._

_He ignores me as he continues, “I was thinking, what’s my legacy? A bunch of shit no one gives a fuck about? Fancy cars? A few houses and a yacht? A Rolex? Nah, that’s just stuff.”_

_He shakes his head sadly before glancing at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and I stiffen as he pulls me closer._

_“No, son,” he says, “You’re my legacy.”_

_I snap my head towards him and furrow my brows, “You think you can just walk out of my life, our lives,” I snarl, “And I’m going to welcome you back with open arms just to inherit your dirty money?”_

_He frowns, shaking my shoulder, “No, son. You don’t get it,” He sighs, “Legacy is family. The Bosa blood runs thick in you. Just look at us,” he gestures between us, “We could be twins, you and I.”_

_I frown and simply nod because I can’t deny it._

_“Exactly,” he says, patting my chest. “And for the record, I didn’t leave.”_

_I put away from him and shrug his arm from around my shoulder, “You’re lying.”_

_He shrugs, turning back to face the ocean, “Believe what you want. But your mom took you from me. Changed your name and all, didn’t even tell me she was pregnant with Rachel.”_

_My blood turns icy because I hadn’t mentioned anything about Rachel to him. The world slows down by about two paces as I glance at him, my heart thumping heavy in my chest._

_He looks back at me, holding my gaze steady, “I didn’t leave you.”_

_And I believe him. But I know my mother. She did what was best for me. She taught me responsibility, accountability… Honesty. She wouldn’t…_

_I can’t even finish my thought because I know she would. Because she did. She lied and hid the other half of me._

_But I know the man standing in front of me is a criminal and I can still feel his hand around my throat. If he treated me like that, I can only imagine what he’d do to her and it makes my blood boil._

_I was the one foolish enough to undo everything my mom worked hard for just to bring him back into my life._

_And now he knew about Rachel too._

_“I want to prove something to you,” he says suddenly and I frown, looking out to the ocean, watching a lone man jog across the sand._

_“What?” I say._

_“I’m going to prove to you that I care,” he says, a smile in his voice, “I can promise you’ll get that detective job you want a lot sooner than you expected. Maybe I can even help you with your uncle’s case, if you’d like that.”_

_I keep my eyes straight ahead, quiet for a moment._

_I believe in fairness, justice. You get what you deserve, hard work and dedication is what gets you to the top._

_But I know there’s a harsh reality out there and the fact is that’s a lie. It’s favoritism, playing your cards right, seeing opportunities and grabbing them. But that’s a reality I want to change._

_I swallow, doing my best to keep from seeming nervous. Could I really fight that system from the outside? Or do I play by their rules, beat them at their own game?_

_I could manage that. I could do it. I could do so much good._

_I was made for this._

_But... Compromise._

_I narrow my eyes and glance at him with an arched brow, “And what do you want in return?”_

_I don’t even bother asking how he’d make it happen._

_He laughs and shakes his head, “You’re learning, son. But...”_

_He wraps his arm back around my shoulder and pulls me close again with a grin, “You’re my boy. You won’t owe me a thing. Just…” he pauses, biting his lip before he pats me on the shoulder, “Just learn a little compromise. Spend some time with me, I want to get to know you.”_

_I consider for a moment, looking down at my feet as a million more thoughts run through my head, “I… I’ll think about it.”_

_I hear him sigh, but he gives my shoulder a squeeze, “Take your time, son. You’ll come to your senses.”_

_He drops his arm and we’re quiet for a moment._

_“So I heard you were on the beach yesterday, down by the pier,” he says suddenly and I snap my head up, my eyes wide. He’s been watching me?_

_He chuckles at my expression, “I have eyes everywhere, don’t look so surprised. Heard you had a pretty little thing with you too, huh? She didn’t look related in the pictures. Girlfriend?”_

_I swallow. He even had pictures… I clench my fists and look straight ahead, “Just one of Rachel’s friends.”_

_He sucks his teeth, “That’s a shame. And here I thought maybe the good looks weren’t the only thing you inherited from me.”_

_I roll my eyes, forcing out a chuckle because I’m trying to play it cool about her. She doesn’t have anything to do with this and I want to keep it that way._

_“Better make a move while the getting is good,” my father continues with a shrug before he grins at me, “No need to let it go to waste if you know what I mean.”_

_I bite my tongue, but my hands are shaking now and I’m thankful they’re still hidden in my pockets. I want to swing, but it’d only show how much I care._

_Because she’s more than that. So much more._

_And frankly, I’m pretty certain I’d end up getting my ass beat. I’d have a tough time explaining the bruises and a busted lip to my mom so I just laugh the way I know he wants me to._

_There’s no need to worry her over petty comments._

_And a part of me knows this is the beginning of me falling into a role I had no intentions to play. But as I look out over the open ocean, my father by my side, this is real life now._

_And well, Nia… She’s not built for this. She’s too innocent, too pretty... too good for me._

_It’s unfair to her that I have to bite my tongue and let him speak about her like that._

_And I know that she wasn’t even my girl but I have to let her go. I pulled her aside for five minutes and she’s already in danger._

_I know this game all too well. My father wanted to gauge how I’d act about her._

_But it’s not like I was in love with her or anything. It’d be easy enough to push her away. The idea just... crossed my mind, but she can just as easily go back to just being Rachel’s friend._

_It’d be better to keep it that way._


	5. A Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought you stopped with that shit, Horne,” He says as he shakes his head before looking back at me “I thought it was over for you after we took down Koh. Are you still involved?” 
> 
> “No,” I groan, looking over at him with furrowed brows, “How do you think I ended up here? You know just as well as me that you don’t ever just stop.” 
> 
> I have to admit that I was momentarily delusional thinking that I could move on with my life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> This particular chapter does not include experiences mentioned above.
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my reader to read something harmful to them.

**Part II - (Nicky's POV)**

I feel like I’ve been hit with a ton of steel every time I open my eyes. 

I figured that’s because I was. 

But today, there’s a nice surprise waiting for me as I crack my eyelids open, pulling myself from under this fog.

The warmest smile and brightest brown eyes look back at me and I wish really my arm didn’t feel so heavy so I could reach out and make sure she was real. But the cut along the side of her forehead indicates to me that she's very real and very hurt. 

My chest burns, fire spreading from my heart with no outlet for release. 

“Nicky?” She whispers my name softly, almost as if she didn’t believe I was real either. I can feel her hand in my hair and then the back of her hand feels cool against my cheek, calming the silent eruption that’s beneath the surface. 

I lean ever so slightly into her touch, her hand cradling my cheek, “Are you awake?”

I manage to crack a smile for her, “Am I? I feel like I’m dreaming.” 

She laughs softly. I wish I could record the sound and put it on replay. 

But the next thing I know her lips are on my face, gentle kisses on my cheeks and my nose and even the bandages over my forehead and I laugh, but the sound comes out hoarse and a sharp pain in my side causes me to gasp. 

She stops immediately, pulling back with wide eyes because she’s afraid she’s hurt me. And that’s when I notice her arm is a sling. 

The burning sensation in my chest intensifies as I look over her for other injuries. But her body is covered, sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt make it nearly impossible to tell if she’s suffered any other major injuries. 

But she’s here. She’s dressed. She’s standing at my bedside. That’s all a good sign. 

“Oh, Nicky,” she cringes as her eyes drift over me, looking for my source of discomfort, but nothing is more painful than knowing she’s hurt because of me. 

All the years I spent waiting for the right moment and when I finally thought that I could allow myself to have her, she was almost killed the same night. 

“I’m so sorry,” she continues and I finally lift my gaze up to her eyes as she bites her lip, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, babe. I just… I’m just excited to see you. I need to be more gentle.”

I can feel my brow arching because she’s never called me ‘babe’ before. 

I chuckle, the action rattling my frame and I wince, making her frown. 

“It’s okay,” I say, attempting to sit up as I open my palm, an invitation for her to hold my hand and she takes it, gently running her thumb over the inside of my palm.

The feeling of her hand in mine is immaculate compared to what I’ve felt these last couple of days. 

Drifting in and out of consciousness, the pain and odd sensations, hearing my mother and my sister cry over me, long-term fears reawaken, all the days and nights they worried about receiving that phone call brought to fruition. 

My mother always thought it would have been a bullet in the line of duty. I don’t think anyone in my life ever expected it to be a car accident on the one night I’ve taken off in months. 

I wanted to say that it was okay, that I was alive, that I’d heal. This wasn’t the end of me. But I couldn’t manage to say a word or bring an ounce of comfort. 

I didn’t know what happened to Nia, whether she was even still alive because of me. I did what I could in the moment to try to protect her from the impact. But I didn’t know what happened after my world went black. Anything could have happened.

And now that she's here? In front of me, holding my hand? I can’t quite describe the feeling that floods through me. I look over her, taking in everything I thought I’d never see again. But every cut and every bruise and every injury on her body is like a dagger to my soul. 

I swallow, noticing there’s even tiny cuts on her hand as I squeeze it gently, “Can I have more kisses actually? It’s a better pain reliever than the morphine.” 

She giggles softly and I offer her a sly grin as she leans back in. 

I’m expecting to have my face covered in kisses again, some kind of small distraction from the thoughts in my head. But she surprises me by kissing me on the lips, slow and meaningfully causing my eyelids to fall shut. 

Her lips are like roses, soft and warm against mine as she expresses some kind of love I was sure I didn’t deserve, but I return it with everything I can offer her. Even if it hurts. 

I find the strength to raise my hand, cradling her cheek as she starts to pull away because I don’t want her to go. I don’t want to ever have her out of my sight or my arms again.

And she understands, obliging to my silent demand as she leans back in to deepen the kiss. I didn’t even realize it could get any deeper. But she takes me there and I’m lost in her. 

I realize I didn’t even take the time to notice anyone else in the room as someone clears their throat. And it’s a reminder of what got me in this situation in the first place.

She’s a distraction. 

I can tell that Nia’s in better health than me as she pulls back quickly, her cheeks turning red under her freckles and she’s always been the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

But it takes me a moment longer to recover from our kiss, relaxing back onto my pillow before I take the time to lazily seek out the source of the noise. 

And well… Perhaps I should have shown a bit more modesty because it’s her father. I grimace because there’s daggers in his eyes and I hope everyone knows better than to leave me alone in a room with him. He’s a quiet man, but I can’t be sure he won’t kill me in my sleep tonight. 

Not that I would blame him. But I have a job to do before I can let him take me out. 

He’ll be more than welcomed to once I figure out who hurt my girl. 

“Mr. Reyes,” I say, attempting to give him somewhat of a nod in greeting but my injured neck makes it difficult. 

“Detective,” he says matter of fact, his eyes unblinking as he holds my gaze. I know he hates me now. We have more in common than he probably realizes. 

Because I hate me too. 

“ _Dad_ ,” Nia warns with a sigh at hearing the tone in his voice as she squeezes my hand. 

“Baby girl,” he looks at her, holding up his palms and shrugging his shoulders as if to say ‘I didn’t do anything.’ 

“Nia,” I turn back to her, ready to tell her it’s fine, but I’m interrupted. 

“Rachel,” my sister butts in saying her own name and as we all furrow our brows in confusion, our eyes turn to her sitting in the corner. 

She pauses, holding a pack of skittles to her mouth before she meets our eyes and lowers them with a shrug.

“What?” she says, looking between us with a grin, “I thought since we were all saying names… I didn’t want to be left out.”

Nia giggles as my mom swats Rachel on the shoulder. I can’t help my chuckle as she pouts, but if my sister knows nothing else, she knows how to relieve the tension in the room. 

“Oh, well,” I turn to see Nia’s mom standing behind her, a grin on her face as she turns to look at her husband, “If that’s the case, I don’t either. Chelsea!” 

“That’s the spirit, Mrs. Reyes!” Rachel says with a laugh as Nia’s father smacks his forehead and shakes his head at his wife.

“Your turn, Ms. Horne,” Nia says with a giggle, “You’re the only one left.” 

My mom looks between the girls, her eyes tired but a smile playing on her lips as she shakes her head. She glances at me and chuckles.

“Erikah,” she says, her enthusiasm doesn’t quite match Nia’s mother, but we all laugh nonetheless. 

“What the hell did I wake up to?” I say, chuckling as Nia looks at me with a grin. 

“Just making sure you didn’t forget anybody’s name, babe,” she gently sits on the edge of the bed, her hand lingering on my cheek again as she smiles at me. 

My heart swells with her artisan eyes on me and I’m so thankful she’s okay. More often than not, people don’t end up this lucky. I’ve seen enough tragedy to know better than to take advantage of the affection in her eyes and the light hearted atmosphere settling between our families. 

And I’m liking the way she calls me babe. 

But… I frown as my eyes drift back to the cut over her forehead. My eyes trace over the rigid red line as it travels into her curly hairline and I know it’s going to leave a scar. 

Nia suddenly runs her hand through her hair and bites her lip, making me realize I’ve been staring. She avoids my eyes and her cheeks turn pink. 

I can only imagine I’ve made her feel insecure. She’s always been so confident about her looks. And rightfully so, she’s gorgeous and looks good in almost everything.

Trust me, I’ve seen her in everything except nothing. That scar will do nothing to damage her beauty. But I can imagine she doesn’t feel the same. 

I rest my hand on her knee and give her a gentle squeeze. She glances back up at me and smiles faintly. 

I return her smile, doing what little I can to encourage her but as my brain plays catch up, I realize that I shouldn’t have kissed her earlier. 

Especially in front of everyone. 

Because as soon as I had her alone, I was going to have to break her heart. 

Her new insecurity, her pain, her injuries. They were my fault. 

_All. My. Fault._

I squeeze my eyes shut, leaning back against the bed again in some sad attempt to shut out the guilt. I could feel my eyes watering, but there was no way I was about to cry. 

Not with everyone here. 

But it hurt. It hurt so much to know that _somehow_ I did this to her. No matter what I did, how long I waited, I was selfish and couldn’t avoid it.

“Nicky? Are you in pain? Do you want us to get the nurse?” Nia asks, her hand barely resting above my arm, a certain urgency in her voice. 

I swallow the lump in my throat, nodding my head ever so slightly, grateful my injuries provide me with some excuse. 

  
  


**Part III -**

“You look like shit.” 

I manage some pained version of a laugh as my partner walks into the room his usual smug grin. 

But frankly? He didn’t have much room to talk, bags around his eyes and his hair in its usual bun, but there’s fly aways and brown locs sticking out like he’s been running all day and hasn’t taken the time to look at himself in the mirror. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he looked like he had actually been worried about me. 

But I supposed I was the one hit by a car.

“Would you believe that I feel like it too?” I tell him with a chuckle.

“Won’t even have to worry about your girl staying around lookin’ like that,” he grins.

I arch a brow, “Alright. Jokes over. You know she’s already seen me, right? Unfortunately, I have a feeling I can’t get rid of her that easily. Besides… She’s not my girl.” 

“I thought that was the whole point of you taking that night off,” Seb says, eyebrow arched as he casually sits at the end of my bed. 

“Yeah, well,” I sigh, “We see how that’s turned out. It’s not safe for her… She wasn’t supposed to be in that car with me,” I frown, “I… I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

Seb sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, “Look. I get it, mate,” he glances up at me, “Somewhere along the line I learned that you can either try to make these things work.”

He arches a brow at me as I frown, “You might fuck it up, but at least you tried. Or you know... you could have let this shit consume you and let it tear you up inside until you just die alone instead.” 

I snort. 

“Any advice for when you fuck it up?” I ask him, arching a brow, “Seems like it’s going to tear me up either way.” 

“Hey, I never said I was good with this,” he frowns, gesturing between us, “This mushy stuff is usually your job. All I got to say is at least you won’t be wondering what if. Now you know… And well, mate.... You got lucky.” 

“You don’t think I know that?” I snap, wincing as the quick movement sends a sharp pain up my side. I didn’t mean to get angry, but my anger isn’t directed at him. I’m angry with myself.

“A couple broken ribs will do that for you,” Seb snorts, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back, a snug smile on his face as I glare at him. 

“Would you like to know what it feels like?” I ask, arching my brow. 

“No need to get violent,” he says with a chuckle, holding up his palms in surrender, “Not that you could even manage it, but I’m just trying to help you without hurting myself.” 

“Honestly, I’d probably be better off if you just showed me pictures of your cat,” I say, “She's still pregnant?” 

He laughs, “Very. I have some new pics since I’ve been home,” he tells me with a grin, “Want to see?”

I sigh, quiet for a moment before glancing at him, “Do you really have to ask? Yeah…”

“Don’t say I’ve never helped you out before,” he says with a chuckle, pulling out his phone. 

I chuckle, arching a brow, “Yeah? Do I have to remind you how many times I’ve covered your ass, Kade?” 

“We don’t have to go there, Horne,” he laughs. 

I chuckle again, relaxing into my pillow as he gives me the latest update on Chaos. 

The short conversation already has me on the brink of exhaustion, but I’ve been fighting it at every turn. I have to get out of here as soon as possible, every moment I waste in here is another moment that Nia is in danger and I need to figure out who wants me out the way. 

Unfortunately, there’s a long list of suspects in the back of my head. I’ve pissed off more than a couple of people this past year alone, was scheduled to serve as a witness on more than one high-profile case, and to top it off, my father hasn’t called me in months. 

But that doesn’t stop him from being at the top of my list. 

“Montes and Williams are on your case, mate,” Seb tells me eventually as he looks at me, “Rennell wouldn’t give it to me. Says my hands are full with our caseload since I’m working alone, I’m grounded until you get back.”

I sigh, quiet for a moment. That was the last thing I needed to hear right now. 

“You know what they’re going to try to do,” he says, arching a brow at me, “Don’t you?” 

I snort, ignoring the pain as I roll my eyes, “Of course I do. But they don’t even know what they’re getting into. There’s nothing for them to find.” 

Seb takes a deep breath before leaning back. He looks at me quietly for a moment before looking away, tapping his fingers on the railing of the bed. 

“I thought you stopped with that shit, Horne,” He says as he shakes his head before looking back at me “I thought it was over for you after we took down Koh. Are you still involved?” 

“No,” I groan, looking over at him with furrowed brows, “How do you think I ended up here? You know just as well as me that you don’t _ever_ just stop.” 

I have to admit that I was momentarily delusional thinking that I could move on with my life. 

He shakes his head sadly, pausing as he looks at me. 

“I should’ve never helped you find him,” he admits eventually, shoulders dropped. 

I sigh, dragging my hand over my face, feeling the bandages, the cuts, the swollen jaw, “I was going to end up finding him regardless.”

“But I feel partially responsible for bringing him into your life,” he admits with a sigh.

“I’m the one who kept him there,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut and letting out a deep breath. I wince as I go to sit up. 

“Were you able to find out anything about the car I told you about?” I ask quickly, hoping for a change in subject. There wasn’t any use dwelling on the past. 

He frowns and shakes his head, “The car was a no-go. The one that hit you wasn’t the same one you saw, belonged to some guy who lives in the apartment complex. Camera footage shows him pulling into work when the accident happened. But he’s being brought in for questioning tomorrow.” 

“What about the driver in the other car?” I ask with a frown.

“Super dead, no identification on the body nor in the car, which was stolen two weeks ago,” he responds, “Medical examiners and forensics are working on ID. Might take a while.” 

“Montes and Williams questioned Nia?” I ask next. I’m well aware that she’s familiar with Montes, his younger brother being one of her best friends. Tom was even with us that night. She’d trust Montes. Which was good for him, for the investigation, but I can’t be sure how much he told her about me. 

Which I shouldn’t be concerned about anyway. There’s no way we can stay together… Or get together. I don’t really know. It doesn’t really matter because she can’t stay in my life once I get out of here. 

Seb nods, but doesn’t say anything else.

I frown, “Have you talked to her?”

“No,” He shakes his head, “But… I convinced Lily to slip me a copy of her statement.” 

I grimace at the mention of her name. 

I tried to date Lily briefly and spent a couple nights off in her bed. Figuring it would be easier to date someone who understood the workload, the long hours, restless nights, all the stuff no one wanted to talk about… 

But there was a night she said she loved me and I couldn’t keep pretending. I had to look her in the eyes and tell her that my heart wasn’t in it. My heart had escaped from my chest a long time ago, captured by a young woman with a warm-hearted spirit and hands covered in paint. 

However, we’re still friends, good colleagues, even though we didn’t work out. She’s helped me more than once since we broke up. 

Seb pauses, glancing up at me as a sly grin crosses his face, “I just want to go ahead and let you know that Nia told them you hooked up. Lily definitely saw that.”

I laugh, my body tension, “Really? That’s… Interesting.”

“Well,” Seb arches a brow at me with a smirk, “Did you?” 

“That’s unimportant,” I tell him with a chuckle, “What else did she say?” 

“Actually,” Seb interrupts me, “That’s extremely important. There’s a possible motive there. I need to know the truth about your relationship with her if we’re going to find out who set this up.” 

I roll my eyes, “Nia has _nothing_ to do with this. I’ve made sure of that.” 

Besides I know him well enough to know he was just digging for details. 

“How do you know? _I_ know that you care about her,” He challenges me with a smirk, “How do you know no one else knows? Haven’t you known her for a long time?”

“Since she was six years old with no front teeth and pigtails,” I tell him and he laughs. 

I remember the second time she came over to hang out with Rachel and I playfully yanked one of those pigtails when she wasn’t looking. Well, Nia turned around and punched me in the face. 

I learned a bit more about respect and keeping my hands to myself that day. Who knew such a little fist could hurt so bad? 

“Then you can’t say that no one suspects that she means something to you,” he shrugs.

I frown at him, “I doubt it. She’s just always been there, I never… I never made a move on her until the other night.” 

_Except that one time.._.

“So you _did_ hook up?” He chuckles, interrupting my thoughts as he grins at me. 

I frown and roll my eyes, “What else did she say?”

He sighs before offering me another grin, “Doesn’t matter, we know you were planning to take her home with you.” 

I sigh, shutting my eyes close before opening them again as I look at Seb, my lips pressed into a fine line, “You’re not getting any details.” 

“That’s fine,” He says with a smirk, “We have the security footage from the store across the street.”

“Then why did you even…?” I cover my eyes with my hand as I sigh, “You’re all _disgusting_.”

“Yeah, well, think about that next time you’re getting it on in a public place,” he snorts, “Like you don’t already know there’s cameras everywhere.”

“What else did Nia tell him?’ I snap, frustrated. I should have been more considerate about her privacy. 

“Don’t worry,” Seb reassures me with a laugh, “I didn’t even watch it, I’ve just kept it on lock. No one outside of Montes and Williams has seen it. Maybe Lily… Not that it’s anything she hasn’t seen already though.” 

“I wish I could say thanks, but you’re really trying to get a rise outta me,” I tell him, rolling my eyes. 

He laughs and shrugs, “I was just curious if you were going to actually admit it, okay?”

“Can you just tell me what Nia said?” I ask again, my brows furrowed in annoyance.

“She told them about the brakes, the tires… Everything you already know,” he tells me with a shrug, “Both of your stories line up.”

I nod, hearing exactly what I expected.

“It’s going to take some time to figure out exactly how they managed to cut the brakes without you getting some type of warning. If we’ll ever find out at all, the car is totalled,” Seb continues, “But I called my mechanic, he said it’s possible they cut both brake fluids, letting it drain but that had to happen at the bar,” He frowns, “He told me it takes a while, leaves evidence. Some kind of puddle or something.”

“It was raining,” I say with a frown.

“So you wouldn’t have even noticed,” he finishes for me and I nod, before letting out a sigh. 

“You can’t blame yourself for this, Horne,” he says, looking at me cautiously.

“Easier said than done when you didn’t have an innocent woman in the car with you,” I tell him, “Just tell me about the tire. Was it only one?”

“Don’t know, possibly all four,” he sighs, “I’m guessing they did a lot of little things to ensure the accident. You didn’t even make it, what? Ten, fifteen minutes down the street?” 

“More like fifteen,” I mumble, “It sounds like they had to do some of the damage at the bar and at the apartment complex.”

“Well, we know why you didn’t notice at the apartment before you left,” Seb says and I glare at him.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” I tell him, rolling my eyes as he simply shrugs and grins at me.

“They didn’t even attempt to make it look like an actual accident,” I continue, itching to get out of bed, “Whoever set this up is either an amateur or they don’t care if we know it’s an accident or not.”

“Means they only know just enough to cover their tracks,” Seb adds, “Or they’re pretty confident they won’t get caught.” 

“Well, they have another thing coming,” I say, scooting up in the bed. I wince as the pain radiates from my side and my back is killing me, “They better hope Montes and Williams find them first because if I do...”

“You don’t even have to say it,” Seb tells me with a nod. 

We exchange a look of understanding as I manage to sit up and move to the side of the bed beside Seb. 

_Everything_ is killing me right now. 

I ignore the pain and Seb watches me cautiously as I stand.

But he doesn’t try to stop me. 

We both know I have to prove I can get out of here sooner rather than later. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I ask Seb, “Can you go to the bar? Ask some questions. Bartender that night, he left with Rachel, name was Bill. Maybe he would recognize something or someone out of place. And then check their security cameras.”

Seb nods, standing up, “I’m on it. And Horne?”

I glance up at him with an arched brow.

“I know you’re still blaming yourself for this, but,” he hesitates and sighs, putting his hands in his pockets, “But maybe… Maybe you should just tell her the truth.”


	6. The Intent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s me! Open the door!” Nia says and I can picture the grin on her face. 
> 
> Surprised, I open the door much too quickly, my heart thumping in my chest as I’m met with a bright smile as Nia’s eyes crinkle in delight at the sight of me.
> 
> “Hey babe!” She says, standing up on her toes to press a soft kiss to my lips. Caught off guard, I can’t help but return her kiss, left wanting it more than air in my lungs as she pulls away with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> This particular chapter does not include experiences mentioned above.
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my readers to read something harmful to them.

Part 1 - Nicky’s POV 

  
“So,” my sister is snuggled at the foot of my bed, her mischievous eyes looking up at me as she grins, “You two are official now, huh? And after all this time, all it took was a car wreck.” 

I chuckle nervously, glancing at my mother who laughs softly at Rachel’s comment. 

I wish she wouldn’t have said that in front of her. I swallow back the lump in my throat before glancing at Rachel, “Why do you think we’re official?”

She arches a brow at me and frowns, “Um. That _kiss_ , maybe? Geesh, you two needed a room.” 

“I have to agree,” my mother laughs, “I didn’t expect you two to be so… _passionate_. Not with your injuries. Especially with Noah in the room, you might want to be more careful, hun.”

I snort, shaking my head ever so slightly, “Thanks, mom. And to think I almost forgot about that...”

Rachel giggles and grins at me, arching her brow, “But see? _Passion_! Sparks! Love! Cute little nephews and nieces for me!”

“Woah, slow down,” I chuckle, avoiding my sister’s eyes, watching the fluid drip from my IV, “I don’t know about all that. I think that we just got caught up in the moment.” 

“What?” My mother looks up at me and frowns, “Caught up in the moment?”

Rachel chuckles and clicks her tongue, “Exactly. C’mon on, Nicky… People who kiss like that aren’t _not_ together.”

I don’t respond.

“Okayyyy,” she says, I can hear her frown deepen, “There’s something you’re not telling us.” 

I sigh, still avoiding her gaze, my eyes drifting to the TV behind her head, “I… I don’t think I’m going to keep seeing her.”

It’s quiet for a moment, but I can feel both of their eyes boring into me as the storm begins to brew. 

“ _Excuse me_?” My mother snaps.

I wince, I could take the fury from Rachel. But my mother? She was the original. 

I meet her eyes nervously and she’s furious, just like I expected. 

“You’re not going to keep seeing her?!” My mother says angrily. She stands from her chair, coming to my bedside with her hands on her hips, “And why not?”

“I.. Just don’t want to. I…” I manage to shrug, glancing away from her furious gaze, “I just don’t feel that way about her.”

“Bull- _motherfucking_ -shit,” my sister snaps at me and my mother arches her brow in surprise at her. But she doesn’t come to my rescue, her silence speaking volumes about her agreement.

Rachel jumps up from the bed and growls towards me, “After she’s come to see you almost everyday? After she cried over you? Because trust me, I know. I was _there_ . She’s been so worried sick over you when she needs to be worried about herself and _you don’t want to keep seeing her_?”

I shrug again, meeting her eyes with a frown, “It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand. I don’t want to be with her. I get it. She’s your friend and all—”

“She’s not just _my_ friend and you know it,” she interrupts me, crossing her arms over her chest. “She was _our_ friend. We’ve all always been there for each other. And you two have been perfect for each other since day one. And you finally realize that and you’re going to throw it away? Really, Nicky? _Really_?” 

“Throw what away? There’s nothing there,” I snap, rolling my eyes, “I’m not about to sit there and let you lecture me about this.”

But dammit... I can’t really go anywhere. 

So I just glare at Rachel as she grins at me smuggly.

“You know,” I say, “I never said I wanted her to be my girlfriend.” 

“Oh, yeah,” she narrows her eyes at me, “You really expect me to believe that you were just going to fuck my _best friend_ and dump her? I know you better than that. You wouldn’t do that to her.” 

“Rachel…” My mother warns, her hand still on her hip, but Rachel ignores her. 

“Well, I didn’t…” I grimace, glancing sideways towards my mother, before focusing back on Rachel.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” I admit, clenching my jaw, “So there’s that.” 

My mother shakes her head and lets out a deep breath as Rachel rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah, sure,” she snaps at me, “the intent was definitely there.” 

“I don’t want to be with her!” I respond, gritting my teeth as I ignore the pain in my side, “You can’t change that,” I continue before I pause and shake my head. “Why am I even talking about this with you? It is what it is, Rachel. It’s _my_ decision.”

Her jaw clenches and it’s silent between us as we glare at each other. 

“Well, tell me how it goes when you tell Nia that,” my sister says with a huff as she turns on her heels and leaves the room, the door slamming behind her. 

* * *

Part 2 - Nicky’s POV 

  
  
Nia comes in with her smile nearly everyday and I can’t find the strength to push her away.

I don’t understand how this woman manages to carry even an ounce of sunshine around with her after everything she’s been through. When she comes to my bedside, her fingers are in mine, the familiar scent of her lotion and shampoo invades my scents as she casually perches on the side of my bed and kisses me on the cheek. 

My ability to lie fizzes out immediately because I turn into a melt. It doesn’t help that my mind is usually hazed with pain killers and my body is already weak. 

Nia invites me to laugh with her at the drawings in her sketchbook, showing me how she’s already trying to learn how to use her left-hand so she can still work on her art during recovery. She tells me about her physical therapy, the books her dad brought for her to read, how her dad’s best friend sent her some comics too. 

It wasn’t really her thing, but she’d bring them back the next day and talk to me more about the art than the actual storyline. 

Her mom’s friend came by and brought pastries. She would save me some and tell me how he gave her a new recipe for her to try when she gets home. She showed me the teddy bear Tom and Miki brought and she even brought me a yellow rose from the bouquet her aunt and uncle sent, tickling my nose with it and she’d laugh as I scrunch up my nose.

I had a feeling she was doing everything to keep our minds from the elephant in the room. And she thought she was doing me a favor, keeping my mind from the obvious while I recovered. But I couldn’t help but shift under my sister’s gaze, her eyes narrowed where Nia’s hand rests on my arm only adding to my stress. But as the days pass, I can’t manage to get the words out.

We were never alone and how was I supposed to break her heart with an audience? 

It’s a pathetic excuse I give myself in order to indulge in her affection. A part of me is angry with myself for allowing us to fall deeper into a relationship that I’d destroy the moment I have her alone. It needs to be quick, like ripping off a bandaid. Or else I won’t be able to pull it off. 

Her safety matters to me above anything else so I have to do it. 

In an attempt to ignore the oncoming heartbreak, I let my mind be consumed with the need to get out of the hospital, discussing possibilities with Seb when he stopped by, creating a plan, figuring out how soon I could get back into the field (much to everyone’s displeasure), and the day finally arrived. 

I was going home. 

* * *

Part 3 - Nia’s POV 

_2016._

_I hum to myself quietly as I turn off my car in Rachel’s driveway, unable to get the song playing on the radio out my head. I glance in the rearview mirror, adjusting the silky scarf on my head before grabbing the bag of candy and snacks I brought with me._

_My sneakers hit the pavement as I hop out the car and head to the door of that house that’s essentially my second-home._

_I don’t bother to knock as I push the door open. Rachel is expecting me._

_“I’m here!” I yell out, shutting the door and locking it behind me._

_“We’re in the living room,” I hear Rachel’s voice call out._

_We’re? I thought it was just me and her here for movie night._

_I just shrug it off, figuring that Ms. Horne must have decided to take the night off. If I would have known, I would have grabbed some of the candies I know she likes._

_But as I turn the corner to the living room, it’s not Ms. Horne._

_Nicky’s here._

_That feeling I get whenever I see him shoots up my spine and squeezes my heart. My breath hitches and I have to swallow back the lump in my throat. I’m wishing I actually did my hair and wore something besides these paint covered overalls and beat up converses._

_Why didn’t Rachel tell me?_

_But the excitement quickly fades away as I notice the girl sitting beside him, his arm casually resting over her leg and they’re sitting unbelievably close together._

_I’m trying so hard not to let the dread show on my face as ice crystallizes around my heart._

_“Oh, Nicky!” I say with a laugh, trying too hard to appear casual as I stroll into the room. “You’re here.”_

_Rachel is sitting on the other half of the sectional and I meet her eyes. Her eyes widened, signaling to me that she didn’t know he was coming._

_I try to fight a grimace as I turn back to face Nicky, but the next thing I know the candy bag is falling from my hand as I’m swooped up in his arms and being picked up off the ground in a tight hug._

_“Hey Nia,” he laughs as I squeal and return his hug, unable to hide my enthusiasm despite the dread coursing through my heart._

_But wow, he’s definitely been working out._

_“I feel like I haven’t actually seen you since the vacation,” I say, my arms wrapped around his shoulders as I glance at the girl waiting patiently to be introduced._

_There’s a ghost of a smile on her lips as she stands from the couch, she doesn’t seem to mind our greeting. But the devil on my shoulder is urging me to wrap my legs around Nicky before he can put me down, just to show her exactly how close we are._

_But unfortunately the thought crosses my mind much too late and I’m being sat back on my feet as Nicky pulls away and grins at me._

_“Really?” He considers for a moment before shrugging it off, “it’s been that long? Well, anyway...”_

_I bite my lip as he turns to the girl… Yep, totally haven’t missed you either…_

_He wraps his arm around the girl’s shoulder, snuggling her under his arm, “I want to introduce you to Elladine.”_

_“Oh?” I force a smile and meet her eyes as she smiles warmly at me. My heart is hammering in my chest because she’s absolutely gorgeous. And deliciously thick... And her hair looks badass and cool as hell. I’d want to paint her or sketch her if she wasn’t the reason my heart was cracking into pieces right now._

_And her eyes... A beautiful green, the color of jade crystals._

_Green is Nicky’s favorite color._

_“Nice to meet you,” Elladine smiles, stepping from under Nicky’s arms and wrapping her arms around me in a cosy hug._

_I return her hug, giving her a soft squeeze because I’m doing my best to keep it friendly._

_But it almost makes it worse that she actually seems nice. I feel my mood turning icy despite knowing I have no right to feel this way._

_But dammit. I feel how I feel._

_“You’re Rachel’s friend, Nia, right?” Elladine says, releasing me from her hug as she smiles._

_Another crack ripples across my heart from inside my chest because I’m wondering since when haven’t Nicky and I been friends too?_

_“Yep, I guess that’s me,” I mumble, feeling awkward as I nod and glance at Nicky who only smiles._

_“Nicky was telling me all about you,” Elladine continues as she settles back onto the couch._

_“Yeah,” Nicky chuckles and nods, plopping down beside her, looking beautiful in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants, “I was telling her how you’re like having another sister.”_

_He could have shot me with an arrow right then and there. It would have hurt less._

_He was literally asking if I had a boyfriend a month ago. I admit I was a little hopeful before he basically ghosted me when we got back._

_I guess I know why now. Silly me._

_“I would much rather Nia be my sister than you be my brother,” Rachel says, reaching up and grabbing the bag I brought in from the floor, “At least she brings food when she comes around.”_

_Nicky chuckles, rolling his eyes before meeting my gaze, “Yeah, I guess I can’t blame you for that.”_

_“I am pretty amazing,” I manage to say, taking my place beside Rachel as I settle onto the couch. I wish I had worn my hoodie so I could pull the hood over my face and hide the entire time._

_“So what did you bring, Nia? Any Reese’s?” Nicky asks, reaching over to peek in the bag of candy I brought, but Rachel snatches it from him, sticking out her tongue and he narrows his eyes at her._

_“Well, I would have,” I mumble, staring at my feet as I kick my shoes off, “But I didn’t know you were going to be here.”_

_A warning would have definitely been nice._

_“Yeah,” Nicky says, rolling his eyes as Rachel makes a point to continue to hog the candy bag from him, “It was kind of a last minute thing. Thought I wasn’t going to get the night off, but turns out someone could cover for me. I just really wanted you and Rachel to meet Elladine.”_

_So he was fully prepared to rub his new girlfriend in my face? Nice to know._

_I sigh and don’t respond, snuggling into the couch as I cross my arms over my chest._

_“I’m really sorry for crashing you girls’ movie night,” Elladine adds with a small smile, her eyes on me as she bites her lip nervously, “I really wanted to plan something out for us, like dinner or something. But we never know when Nicky is going to be off so I figured we better take advantage of it.”_

_My smile is tight because yet, somehow, he managed to find the time to meet her._

_“Part of the job,” Nicky shrugs before finally snatching the bag out of Rachel’s lap. She narrows her eyes at him but he ignores her as he digs through the bag._

_“Would you like something?” Nicky asks, offering the bag to Elladine._

_The words ‘I didn’t bring enough’ are on the tip of my tongue, but I’ll behave…_

_But Elladine declines anyway and Nicky shrugs, sitting the bag onto the table._

_“So Nia,” I glance up at Elladine as she says my name and she smiles at me, “Rachel and I have already chatted some before you got here. I definitely want to get to know you too. You’re in art school, aren’t you? What do you focus on? I’m a glassblower.”_

_What?_

_I feel my brows arching in surprise as I sit up, “Really?”_

_She’s a fucking artist too? ...One that’s way more badass than me… But STILL._

_She’s a fucking artist?_

_I glance at Nicky and he smiles, but shifts a bit uncomfortably._

_“You know what?” Rachel says casually, chewing on a piece of a candy, “I didn’t even think about that…” She grins, looking between Elladine and I, “That is such a coincidence, you and Nia have that artsy stuff in common.”_

_My tongue is in my cheek as I force myself to relax against the couch, “Yeah… It is. That’s really cool, Elladine. I, um,” I sigh, I have to admit we do very different things as I uncross my arms and glance up at her, “I paint. Mostly. But I like to do a little bit of everything. I like learning. My dad’s a librarian so I guess I got that from him. Can’t really take the heat from glass blowing though.”_

_She laughs softly, “Yeah, it’s not for everyone. I started working with my mom when I was about…” she thinks for a moment, “Fifteen? It’s definitely a family thing. But I bet you’re so smart, growing up with your dad. What was that like?”_

_“Lots of reading and being read to,” I say simply with a shrug._

_Rachel nudges me and rolls her eyes before turning to Elladine, “Don’t let her downplay it. Nia is like a genius. It’s like when we were in school, I wouldn’t even read our assigned books. Nia was like having sparknotes on demand. And if she didn’t know, I’d just ask her dad.”_

_I laugh, “Way to sell yourself out.”_

_“I’m just saying,” Rachel shrugs, “You can literally quote anything.”_

_“Yeah?” Elladine giggles, “What’s your favorite quote?”_

_“Doesn’t it go like…” Nicky pauses, “‘Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.’”_

_I wish I could fight my blush as I reach for the candy bag, “Yeah… That’s the one.”_

_“Who’s that by?” Elladine asks._

_“That I’m not sure,” Nicky chuckles, glancing at me as they all await my answer._

_“It’s by Toni Morrison,” I reply, picking at my fingernail to distract myself from acknowledging the fact that he remembered._

_“Let me tell you,” Rachel grins, “Nia has some hidden depths, okay?”_

_I chuckle, “Sure, but most people don’t take the time to get lost in my waters.”_

_I totally didn’t make a point to glance up at Nicky when I said that, noticing the way he arches a brow at me before I immediately go back to avoiding his eyes._

_“Oh, okay then, girl,” Rachel laughs and snaps her fingers at me with a grin, “Look at you, proving my point.”_

_“I’m poetic,” I grin at her, “What can I say?”_

_“I don’t know, just keep talking to us like that,” She giggles._

_I laugh, “I thought we were here to watch a movie, not have a poetry slam.”_

_“I hope not,” Elladine blushes, “I’m not that good with words.”_

_“Oh c’mon,” I tell her with a shrug, “You snagged Nicky. He’s a man of good taste, I’m sure you’re amazing.”_

_“Trust her,” Nicky laughs, cuddling Elladine into his side, “She knows me well.”_

_I clench my jaw, forcing a polite smile as Elladine’s blush deepens and she smiles at him._

_“Thanks,” She says, glancing at me with a smile, “But I think I’ll stick to visual expression.”_

_I keep my forced smile and shrug, “Nothing wrong with that.”_

_At least I know I’m better at something than her._

_“So what is your inspiration, Nia?” Elladine asks me curiously, “Were you inspired by books to be an artist or was it something else?”_

_I pause, considering for a moment, “Uh, yeah… I’d say so. It’s like I have stories that I need to get out. And sometimes they require a different medium, a painting, a photo, a sketch, a poem?” I shrug, “What matters is that I have to find a way to get it out of my head and into the real world.”_

_“Wow, that’s really neat,” Elladine smiles at me and I keep myself from rolling my eyes. She’s speaking to me like I’m in kindergarten andI I just showed her a crayon drawing of my house._

_“Yeah, I guess,” I shrug, toying with the candy in my hand. I know I should ask the same question in return, but I can’t find it in me to care enough to ask._

_“So what movie did you two plan on watching?” Nicky says eventually, looking between Rachel and I._

_“Oh, I don’t know,” I reply, avoiding his eyes, “We were just going to look through Netflix.”_

_“Yeah, that was the plan. But first,” Rachel says, looking between everyone with a smile, “Anyone want popcorn?”_

_“I do,” Nicky and I at the same time._

_We catch eyes and he chuckles. I roll my eyes._

_Ugh, I hate him._

_“Cool,” Rachel says and I arch my brow as she kicks up her feet on the coffee table and grins at me, “You two can fix the popcorn and Elladine and I will pick a movie.”_

_“What?” I say, narrowing my eyes at Rachel._

_I know she didn’t._

_She grins, glancing at me from the corner of her eyes, “Bring me back a soda too, will ya? And some ice. You know I want a lot of ice. You want something to drink, Ella?”_

_Was she really calling her Ella? Already? Traitor._

_“Um, sure,” Elladine says, glancing at Nicky, “Do you keep sparkling water? Maybe grape? I’d like some of that.”_

_Nicky frowns, “I don’t know…” he glances at Rachel, “Do we have any?”_

_She shrugs, “I don’t know.”_

_“I guess I’ll see,” Nicky replies with a shrug as he goes to stand._

_“Well, no,” Elladine stops him with a frown, “If there isn’t any, I don’t want anything.”_

_“Are you sure?” He arches a brow at her, “Nothing? Even a glass of water?”_

_She shakes her head and sighs, “See. That’s why I didn’t want to come without letting them know first. We could have made plans on what to bring and then your mom could have been here too. And plus—”_

_“Okay, we get it, shut up,” I snap as I stand up, fighting the urge to clench my fist, “You don’t want anything to drink unless there’s grape flavored sparkling water in the fridge. We get the point.”_

_Everyone looks slightly stunned at my tone of voice. My cheeks start to feel warm as Rachel tries not to giggle._

_I frown and shake my head at her before turning abruptly and heading towards the kitchen without looking back._

_I’m such an idiot._

_I busy myself by rummaging through the refrigerator, trying to ignore the anger and embarrassment that’s causing tears to well up in my eyes._

_I bite my lip and sigh, noticing there’s a single bottle of sparkling water left in the fridge for Elladine. And wow! Shocker, it’s actually grape flavored. But it’s the back so I lean forward to reach for it._

_“Is there any particular reason you spazzed on Elladine like that?” His voice calls out from behind me and I jump, hitting my head on the top of the fridge._

_“Fuck! Nicky!” I snap, rubbing my head as I turn around to face him._

_He’s standing at the edge of the kitchen, his brows furrowed and arms crossed over his chest._

_He’s in the process of rolling his eyes until they meet mine and they immediately soften. He frowns, eyes following the tear I feel rolling down my cheek._

_“Wait, did it really hurt that bad?” He asks, uncrossing his arms and taking a step towards me._

_“What? No,” I mumble, quickly wiping my cheek, mad that the ache on the top of my head knocked over the dam I was building._

_But that doesn’t stop him from coming closer, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him._

_“Does this hurt?” he asks, his hand coming up to massage some of the pain away, his fingers feeling their way beneath my scarf and through my curls._

_I wince as his fingers find the right spot and the pressure lightens._

_“Sorry,” he mumbles, glancing down at me, “Is that better?_

_I sigh, offering him a small nod as I cross my arms over my chest. I wish I wasn't enjoying this as much as I was._

_I missed him so much this past month. No texts, no calls. He didn’t check in on me or anything. I didn’t think anything of it, just figuring that he was busy with work. He was driven when it came to his career and maybe… He decided that dating wasn’t the best move for him right now._

_Besides… I knew I’d see him eventually._

_I just wasn’t expecting that the next time I saw him, he’d have a whole girlfriend._

_He removes his hand from my hair, taking a step away from me and we stand in silence as he looks at me._

_“Are you okay?” He asks, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms back over his chest._

_“Yeah,” I mumble, going to turn around._

_“Oh, no, hold up,” he says, grabbing me by the arm and turning me back towards him. He presses his lips into a fine line and narrows his eyes at me, “We’re still going to talk about what you did back there.”_

_“I didn’t do anything,” I reply simply, avoiding his eyes._

_“Really?” He arches a brow at me, “Because I think the way that you cut Elladine off like that was rude as hell.”_

_“I didn’t cut her off,” I roll my eyes, “She was just about to go on and on about what? Some stupid plans that aren’t going to happen?”_

_“Stupid plans?” he asks, “You mean the plans she had to try and impress you and Rachel after I told her how much the two of you mean to me? She really wants you to like her and now she’s upset because she thinks you don’t like her.”_

_“Maybe I don’t,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders, “Ever think about that?”_

_“What?” He arches a brow at me, clenching his jaw, “You’ve known her for ten minutes and you don’t like her? How do you even know that?”_

_“I just do,” I snap, turning around and going back to the fridge, “You wouldn’t understand.”_

_“Then make me,” He says, the aggravation clear in his voice._

_I decide to just ignore him, grabbing the drinks for Elladine and Rachel, using my hip to shut the door._

_“Nia,” he says, coming to stand in front of me as I go to sit the drinks on the counter._

_“What?” I snap, “Get out the way so we can fix the damn popcorn and go back out there.”_

_“We’re not going back out there until you get your shit together,” he says, taking the drinks from my hands and sitting them behind him before turning back to me with a glare._

_“Excuse me? Get my shit together?” I arch a brow, “How about you get your shit together first and then we’ll talk about it.”_

_“What does that even mean?”_

_I pause, unable to answer that truthfully as I look up into the brown eyes I adore. I hate that I adore them even when he’s mad at me, especially when he had every right to be._

_But I am so angry and disappointed and heartbroken and for what?_

_My own selfishness._

_“You know…” Nicky finally says with a sigh as he takes a step back from me, “Maybe it’s just better if Elladine and I go this time.”_

_“Wait, Nicky, no,” I say, cringing as I take a step towards him and grab his wrist._

_He pauses, frowning as he looks back at me._

_“Don’t go,” I sigh, looking down at my feet, “I didn’t mean it… Any of it. Elladine is really cool… I’m just, like… I don’t know,” I bite my lip, searching for an excuse._

_“It’s that time of the month,” I blurt out, my cheeks turning red as he arches a brow at me._

_“Because like, I’m not mad at you… Or her... Like I’m totally not mad at all,” I continue nervously, shrugging my shoulder, “Why would I be mad? Do I have a reason to be mad? Just moody that’s all. I’m sorry.”_

_Nicky continues to just stare at me and I shuffle my feet, biting my lip at him._

_I honestly didn’t expect him to burst out laughing._

_“That’s it?” He arches his brow at me with a chuckle, “Why didn’t you just say that?”_

_I glance away, chewing on my lip and offering him a shrug._

_He chuckles again, shaking his head at me as he opens up his arms, “Come here, girl.”_

_It takes some willpower not to run into his arms. He wraps them around me as I snuggle into his chest, my arms around his waist. I’m a little guilty about my lie, but the truth would reveal an ugly trait about me that I don’t want to admit._

_Because I know I’m jealous as hell, acting like a child. But more than that... I want Nicky to be happy and I won’t let my greed get in the way of that._

_“It’s alright,” Nicky chuckles once more as he rubs my back, “I guess I can forgive you.”_

_“Yeah?” I say, looking up and resting my chin on his chest, giving him my best puppy dog eyes._

_He looks down at me and grins, “Oh, great. Bringing out the big guns, huh? How could I not when you look so sweet?” He laughs as I smile, “But I’d appreciate it if you could clear that up with Elladine though.”_

_I sigh, glancing away, “I guess I should.”_

_“Thank you,” he says._

_And now I don’t know what he was leaning down to do, but the movement catches my attention and I turn towards him. I think he was going to kiss me on the cheek or on the top of my head like he’s done a thousand times before. We’re used to intimacy, cuddling on the couch together as we watch movies, hugs are a common exchange, playful tickles and fights, taking turns to fall asleep on each other’s shoulders during long car rides, all casual forms of affections that become a norm over so many years._

_But somehow, today his lips end up on mine. And that’s the furthest thing from causal._

_I freeze and he freezes. Both of our eyes grow wide as we stand frozen in place, arms wrapped around each other in a friendly hug like we’ve done so often before._

_Except this time, he’s stealing my breath away but I don’t dare move._

_I’m shocked and confused out of my mind but his lips feel like they belong on mine._

_I briefly wonder if he feels the same, his arms tightening around my body and he moves his lips against mine ever so slightly._

_And I want to respond and I want to lean into him._

_But this is wrong. So wrong._

_I push against his chest and pull myself out of his arms, “Oh my god. Nicky, I’m so sorry. Oh my god,” I bury my face in my hands, “I can’t believe that just happened.”_

_“What just happened?” Rachel asks, strolling in casually._

_Nicky and I jump further apart and exchange a fearful gaze before turning back to Rachel._

_Nicky clears his throat, taking another step away from me, “Um. Nothing. The, um, uh…”_

_Rachel arches a brow, looking between the two of us._

_“I… um,” I look at the counter and grab Elladine’s drink, “I can’t believe that we found the sparkling water for Elladine! It’s the last one too.”_

_“Oh,” Rachel says, eyeing me suspiciously, “Cool. Where’s the popcorn? I thought I’d come check on you since you two were taking so long.”_

_“Oh, we’re fine,” Nicky says quickly, “Just having a, um, chat. I’ll get started on the popcorn now.”_

_“Cool, cool, cool,” Rachel says, glancing at Nicky suspiciously as he goes to get popcorn from the cabinet._

_I offer her an innocent smile when her attention turns back to me but my stomach drops as she puckers her lips at me when Nicky isn’t looking. She laughs at my expression before she winks and heads back to the living room._

_Did she see that?!_

_As soon as she’s out of hearing range, I turn to Nicky in panic._

_“That totally didn’t happen,” I say to him._

_“Huh?” He glances at me, putting the popcorn in the microwave, “What happened?”_

_“What do you mean what happened?!” I whisper fiercely, coming to stand beside him._

_“I don’t know what you’re on about,” He arches a brow at me and I get it._

_“Oh.”_

_He smiles faintly as I nod and wink at him._

_“Yeah. Me either…” I say, swallowing back the lump in my throat._

_We stand beside each other in silence as the popcorn begins to pop._

_Nicky clears his throat, “Are… are we still friends?”_

_I bite my lip before glancing at him, as I lean against the counter, “Yeah. Of course…”_

_“Good, good,” he swallows back a lump in his throat, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen and well...” he meets my eyes with a soft frown._

_“I…” he starts, biting his lip, “I don’t want to lose you.”_

* * *

Part 4 - Nicky’s POV

Stepping out of the shower, I dry off, wrapping a towel around my waist as I step up to the mirror. I drag my hands over my face before my eyes meet the hazy reflection in the steamed covered mirror.

I frown, using my hand to uncover myself. 

I look like I haven’t slept in days. With a sigh, I glance down at my torso, fingers tracing along the new scars along the left side of my body that were brought on by shattered metal and glass. My body tenses as the memory grapples my mind, my worst fear playing out in my mind. 

Unconcerned for my own safety, I did my best to swerve the car, shielding her from the impact, but it wasn’t enough.

She was still hurt and I won’t allow her to be put in that situation again. 

What if she died because of me? 

I’ve reminded myself of this over and over again while I stuck in the hospital.

Now I’m finally home, in my own space. 

And for the first time in months, I spent the night alone. Finally able to convince my mother and sister that I no longer needed their watchful eyes or steady care.

You would think that I would be able to relax, but no. Not even for a moment. Sleep evaded me last night as I tossed and turned, my body needing to readjust to new aches and weaken muscles. My mind was always wondering back to what I had to do today.

There was a running list that started as soon as my family closed the door to my home. I went through my apartment, making sure everything was where it belonged. Today I planned to go down to the station, just to _prove_ to Commissioner Rennells that I didn’t _need_ to stay out longer than the minimum. Seb would be here to pick me up any minute, we had numerous stops after that.

Even though technically I was off duty. 

But to start the day, I had to go over to my sister’s apartment and break up with the woman I very much loved. I spent much of my time awake muddling through how I would do it. She knows me so well, is so intertwined into every aspect of my life outside of my job. Hurting her like this will be like cutting off a piece of myself. 

There’s only one way that I could manage it. 

I had to make her hate me. 

Shaking my head, I head into my bedroom to dress for the day. A dark t-shirt and jeans will do. As I button my pants, I pause. Glancing at the empty spot where my badge and gun belong on my nightstand, I clench my jaw. 

I’ll have them back soon enough. 

With a sigh, I leave my bedroom to head to the fully stocked kitchen. My mother was very serious about making sure that I didn’t need to leave. Of course, I didn’t mention that I planned to leave anyway. 

I had to get whatever this was over with. I had to find out who set up the car accident in order to make sure that Nia and my family were safe. 

And the longer I don’t know exactly who was behind it, the more difficult it is to do that. 

Not to mention that Williams and Montes were on my case. 

Just as I’m about to fix a cup of coffee while I wait on a phone call from Seb, there’s a knock on my door. 

With a frown, I leave the steaming pot on the counter. I glance at my phone, not seeing a message from Seb and I wasn’t expecting him to come up.

Cautiously I approach the door, “Who is it?” 

There’s a muffled laugh, one that’s familiar and my body relaxes at the sound.

“It’s me! Open the door!” She says and I can picture the grin on her face. 

Surprised, I open the door much too quickly, my heart thumping in my chest as I’m met with a bright smile as Nia’s eyes crinkle in delight at the sight of me. I barely manage not to return her smile with my own, knowing it would reveal how much she affects me as my heart leaps into my throat.

“Hey babe!” She says, standing up on her toes to press a soft kiss to my lips. Caught off guard, I can’t help but return her kiss, left wanting it more than air in my lungs as she pulls away with a grin.

“I thought I’d come by and help you with breakfast,” She says, lifting a bag of groceries in her left hand with a smile, “And before you ask, no. Your mom did not ask me to come. I just wanted to see you.” 

“You did?” I say, not completely taken by surprise as I bite my lip. I just don’t know what to say, unable to let my happiness with her presence be known, “I, um, I…” 

She snorts and arches a brow, “You haven’t had your coffee yet, have ya?” 

Pushing past me, she strolls inside to set the groceries on the island counter. I can’t help but chuckle, the woman knows me too damn well. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” She asks, picking up the pot I left on the counter and fixing a cup for herself and I. She hands me the mug before unpacking the groceries she brought with her.

“I’m fine,” I reply, watching her move about my space like she belongs here. It hurts because I know that she does. Shaking the thought away, I move towards her, “How are you?”

I can’t help but to ask, knowing I need to act like I don’t care. But I do. Even though it hurts me to know she’s going through all of this because of me, I have to make sure she’s okay. 

“I’m absolutely fabulous,” she laughs and spins around to face me, “I mean, yeah. Physical therapy sucks, but my therapist is really great. I like her a lot,” her arms wrap around my waist and I tense as she rests her chin on my chest, looking up at me with unfiltered adoration, “But most of all, you’re home now. I know you said you’re fine, but are you really? You look tired.” 

Whatever my reply was meant to be, it catches in my throat as I look down at her. Wanting to wrap her in my arms, wanting to kiss her, wanting to allow myself to love her in this moment when I have no right. 

It’s time to rip off the bandaid. 

“Nia,” my eyes drift over her face, burning her expression into my memory, knowing this is probably the last time she ever looks at me this way, “We need to talk.” 

She lets out a nervous chuckle and arches a brow at me, “Well that sounds very ominous. What’s up?” 

I swallow, pulling myself from her grip as I take a step back. She frowns at the gesture, looking at me curiously as she chews her lip. I do my best to smooth my expression into an emotionless wall, pulling out the same poker face I’ve used in integrations. 

“I don’t think…” I sigh and shake my head, “I don’t think that we should keep seeing each other.” 

Her brows instantly furrow together, “What?” She slowly shakes her head as she processes my words before she looks at me with a frown, “What do you mean? What are you saying?” 

I arch a brow at her, crossing my arms over my chest, “You know… We’re just friends, right? The night of…” I don’t finish the sentence as her body tenses, glancing away, I continue, “It didn’t mean anything.” 

“What?” The shock in her voice is undeniably, guilt grips my heart at the sound.

“You’re kidding me, right?” She continues when I don’t respond, “But you literally asked me if…” Her laugh comes out as more of a choke, “Nicky, what are you trying to pull?” 

I turn back to face her, masking my guilt with my own confused expression, “I’m not trying to pull anything. I’m telling you how I feel. I don’t want us… I don’t want to be with you like that. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun. I wanted to stop this,” I gesture between us, “Before it got out of hand... “ I met her eyes, ignoring the way my heart breaks at the sight of tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

“But I guess by the look on your face, it already has,” I manage to mumble.

Nia is visibly shaking now, her jaw clenched, “Gotten out… Gotten out of hand?” 

She rolls her lips, shaking her head as she begins to pace towards me, “Nicky…” her voice rises with every word, “I know you just got out of the hospital, but I’m about to send your ass right back. Are you trying to break up with me?”

I stare down at her as she approaches, once again cocking my brow at her, “Break up with you? We were never together.” 

And I know that stings her in the way I needed it to, the anger that was building dissipates as her mouth drops, the tears in her eyes overflow down her cheeks. It takes every bit of strength I have not to break down and wipe those tears away.

“But...” her voice comes as a squeak, “After all that we’ve been through together? I thought… I thought we were there for each other! I thought you cared about me!” 

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shake my head and offer her a shrug, “Well, the jokes on you.” 

It’s quiet between us for a moment.

“You fucking liar!” She explodes and I snap my gaze to her in surprise as her finger digs into my chest, her face inches from me as her skin flushes red, “We’ve known each other since we were kids! You really expect me to believe that… that you don’t care about me! _At all_? After all this time! What the hell changed?”

_You could have died because of me!_

But I manage to catch the words before they leave my lips, staring at her as I clench my fists at my side. My silence only infuriates her more.

“Answer me!” She snaps, poking my chest again, “And you better give me a real fucking answer.” 

I scowl, taking her hand from my chest and lowering it to her side, “I don’t owe you an explanation. You’ve always been so delusional about yourself you can’t believe it when someone doesn't want you. Can’t you just accept it and _get out_?” 

Her expression shifts to raw hurt and confusion, “ _What_?”

“Leave!” I snap, stepping away from her, “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. But I don’t want you! Just go!”

Nia is stunned, her chest rising heavily as she stares at me in disbelief, “Nicky…” She clenches her fists and takes a deep breath before meeting my eyes, “I’m not leaving until you tell me the truth… Stop lying to me,” her voice cracks as the tears continue flowing, “Babe, whatever is going on, we can talk about it. We don’t have to… I don’t want…” her voice fails her as she begins to stutter, unsure of what to say.

I can’t stand to see her like this, turning away from her I rest my arm on the counter for some type of support, trying to muster up the strength to tell another lie. 

“It’s not my fault if you think I’m lying,” I manage, staring at the floor. 

“But…” the heartbreak in her voice is obvious, “But I thought I lost you when I woke up in that hospital bed. I don’t want to be without you,” I tense as her fingers brush against my shoulder, “Nicky, _I love you_. I always have.” 

_Fuck_.

I fight back the tears forming in my own eyes, immediately taking another step away from her, forcing her hand to drop. I can’t face her. I can’t look her in the eyes and do this.

“I wish I could say the same,” More truth in those words that she would ever realize. I roll my lips, taking a deep breath, trying to hide the pain in my voice, “I think it’d be best for both of us if you just left.” 

I close my eyes as I hear her sniffle, a sob breaking free from her once again and I clench my jaw, willing myself to remain in this spot as my heart bumps so heavily in my chest I worry she may hear it. If she did, would she understand that it only beats for her? 

All I need is for her to reach out again. Just one more brush of her fingertips on my skin and I’ll drop to my knees and beg her forgiveness. The selfish part of my brain wants her to stay, just to fight with me a little longer after I’ve purposefully pushed her to the edge. 

“You bastard,” she whispers, choking on her sobs and I feel her backing away from me. 

I don’t respond, I don’t move until I hear the keys jingling in her hands as she picks them up. I countdown the seconds until she reaches the door, the sound of her walking out of my life burning my ears. But this is exactly what I wanted. 

As soon as the door slams shut, the tears spill from my eyes. My composure drops as my heart shatters from my own lies, knowing I’ll never get the chance to truly tell her that I love her too. 


	7. Warmer Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So…” he starts, biting his lip as Nia’s sunken expression tugs at his heart, “Do you wanna talk about it or…?”
> 
> Nia snorts, staring down at her hands, “Not particularly. But everyone will find out eventually.”
> 
> Tom arches a brow at this and frowns, squeezing her shoulder, “What happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings - This work includes scenes that depict acts of violence and traumatic experiences.
> 
> This particular chapter does not include experiences mentioned above.
> 
> Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns or specific questions before you move forward. The last thing I’d want is for one of my readers to read something harmful to them.

**Part I - Nia's POV**

I don’t know how I got here. I don’t remember driving home after I walked away. 

Coming to my senses, I realize I’ve ended up on the floor trying to make sense of what went wrong between us. Hunched over against the front door of my apartment, I had barely made it inside before crumbing to the ground. 

I lean back against the door now, tears still hot on my face as I look to the ceiling. 

A shaky breath rattles my frame as I use the sleeve of my sweatshirt to wipe my cheek.

But the gesture is pointless. More tears come to follow, seeming to sear a wet trail of emotions against my skin as they fall. I hate it. 

This burning in my chest hurts like hell, but there’s nothing I can do to control it. 

My head hangs in defeat, arms resting on my knees as I stare at nothing but a blurry image of my empty home. 

I’m humiliated. I’m confused. 

But most of all, I’m heart-broken. 

_ “You know we’re just friends, right?” _

I choke on a sob at the memory of his words, cutting through me like a blade. 

Just friends. We were never together. 

And how could I argue that? I’d even said it myself.

_ “I’m definitely not his girlfriend,” _ I told the other detectives.

But… I guess I thought actions spoke louder than words.

I just assumed… And like he said,  _ jokes on me _ . 

I bite my lip as I attempt to hold in a new wave of sobs, recalling the things that hurt me the most.

The coldness I felt when he shrugged off my hand and stepped away from me.

_ I just don’t understand.  _

I rake my hands through my hair in frustration as I try to figure it out, eyes darting across the room as if some imaginary figure would step out and provide me with the answers on how to fix this, how to fix  _ us _ . 

Did I do something wrong? Was I hovering? Maybe I was being too clingy? 

Nicky has never treated me with such cruelty before. He’s never thrown sharp words at me or yelled at me in such a manner.

We’ve had small disagreements and arguments before, sure. But they were always brief, handled with communication and forgiveness afterwards.

But today… I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him. 

_ “You’ve always been so delusional about yourself you can’t believe it when someone doesn't want you…”  _

Insecurities I’ve fought for years roar to life and I question if he’s ever really cared about me.

He had said he wanted me. Wanted more than a casual hook-up. Wanted me more than for just the night. 

I thought he showed that while we were recovering. He’d run his thumb over my knuckles when we held hands, he’d laugh with me, listen to me, smile at me in a way that made me light headed and whenever I met his eyes, I knew we’d be okay. 

He was tender. He was sweet. I thought he was the truth. I thought he’d keep me steady. 

I was under the impression that we understood that we could have lost each other that night. I knew I didn’t want to waste another second waiting or pretending anymore. 

And when he kissed me? Despite the disaster, despite my fear of what was coming next, he made me feel okay and that we would get through this together. 

But then he took it all back, snatched away my security, my comfort, the possibility of a future together. 

He took my heart that had been stored away for years, waiting for him and crushed it. After all this time, when I finally gave it to him fully and earnestly, he broke it. 

I never imagined how far the humiliation of being rejected would push me into disrepair. 

To tell him that I loved him… Only to be told to leave in return?

I’ll never recover. 

And I’m so frustrated with myself because I know deep in my heart, I’ll always love him.

Despite feeling so alone and angry and damaged and fucking  _ broken _ , I’ll never forget that man who I first knew as a boy with a genuine sparkle in his eyes. Never forget the fun we had as children, never forget the lessons he taught me, never forget our hugs and our laughs and all the small moments we shared. I’ll never recover from our kisses, even the one that was accidental and haunted my dreams. 

I had been so close to a heated promise with him and… Everything turned to shit. 

Nicky has always been a part of me and to feel so cut off from him is… surreal in the most terrible way. 

I can barely remember a time when our lives weren’t intertwined, brought together by our love for Rachel. 

Right now, I don’t even know if I could manage ever seeing him again. 

But just as much as I’m heart-broken and shattered, I’m angry.

_ I’m fucking angry _ . 

He lied to me. 

I don’t know exactly when. 

I don’t know if he lied to me the night of the accident… Or if he lied to me today. 

But my heart won’t dare think on the latter, fearful of any evidence of lingering hope. 

And if he lied to me that night, our entire relationship has been a lie. 

Our childhood together, our friendship, every fucking thing has been a lie.

The genuine care I thought he may have had for me was never actually there if he was so willing to throw it all away for one night. 

Maybe I’ve just always been his sister’s friend and that night I just happened to look hot enough for a good fuck. 

My body shaking now, nails digging into the palm of my hands, I hold onto that thought. 

Determined not to cry anymore, I latch onto that anger boiling beneath the surface. 

_ I was nothing but a potential fuck to him.  _

And he  _ used  _ me. Violated my love, my trust in him for his own benefit. 

I never knew him. 

That man that turned his back away today was a stranger to me. 

A sudden vibration against my leg snaps me from my thoughts. My hands relax at the surprise, leaving indentations in my palm as I emerge from some red haze.

Wiping my eyes and frantically reaching for my phone in my pocket, Rachel’s name lights up my phone as a text message notification pops up.

**Rachel** : Grabbing lunch with Miki! Otw home soon 

**Rachel** : Can’t wait to hear about breakfast  [ 😏 ](https://emojipedia.org/emoji/%F0%9F%98%8F/)

Resisting the urge to chuck my phone across the room at the reminder of ‘breakfast,’ I realize I’ve been in this spot for nearly two hours now. I need to get myself together before Rachel gets home and I have to explain to her how her brother broke my heart. 

I try to reel it in as I search for the strength to stand. 

I find it in my anger, repeating to myself over and over how I was never anything to him.

I push myself from the floor and wipe the tears from my cheeks. This time a new trail doesn’t follow. I refuse to ugly cry on the floor over a man any longer. Even if that man is Nicky. 

I won’t do it. I can’t do that to myself.

I deserve better. I’m worthy of better and maybe… Just maybe today I dodged a bullet? 

I have to stifle a pathetic laugh at myself as I drag myself to my room, preparing for a much needed shower. 

Who am I kidding? 

Deep down I don’t believe any of the shit I’m selling myself. I barely believe the shit Nicky sold to me, but what can I do? 

What could I possibly do when I know I couldn’t bear the sight of him without breaking down into tears again?

I’m a mess and my heart is on fire and I want to know  _ why _ .

Why did he do this to us? To  _ me _ ? 

As I step into my room, I take a deep breath, looking around the space. 

My eyes land on my sketch books and suddenly, I’m frantic. 

I rush over to them, pulling out the one I considered my most private. 

A deep blue cover and soft binding, this is the one that depicts not just my skill or my practice. 

This one depicts my personal daydreams, sketches of people I love the most, and memories I thought I’d never want to forget. 

But there’s a few pages in here that have to go now. I can’t stand to look at them.

Humiliation fuels the fury that has me carelessly ripping out the pages in chunks, I’m merciless as I pull the pages apart, tearing them into pieces the same size as the shattered pieces of my heart. 

I chuck the pieces into the trash in my room. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have a lighter nearby or I’d be tempted to burn it all. 

Plopping onto my bed in defeat, I don’t necessarily feel any better after ridding myself of my sketches of him. Staring at the waste basket, I can only manage to shake my head, feeling like a fool to have wasted so much time, so much energy, so much pining and longing. 

With a deep sigh, I lay back, staring at the ceiling hoping that eventually I’ll want to do something other than lay here and cry but I’m a mess. 

A total mess. And I know I said I wasn’t going to cry anymore, but I am. 

I definitely am.

Because I just can’t believe he let me go like this.

Climbing fully onto my bed, I wrap my blankets around me and pull the sheets over my head as a silent sob breaks free. 

We’re really done. Nicky could never love me like I love him and the weight of that realization crushes whatever fire I tried to keep burning and the only thing I can do to save myself is to grow numb, hoping I can find some way to be just as cold as he was with me. 

* * *

**Part II - Tom's POV**

**_One hour earlier._ **

The cafe is busy this morning, customers moving in and out before heading to work or grabbing a donut for their kids before sending them off to school. Sunshine glows brightly through the windows that hold portraits of an urban oasis and a cloudless sky. It’s one of those days in the city where the weather is just right and a slight breeze only makes it better. You could wear anything and be happy to sit in the sun. 

Taking advantage of the spring day, Tom and Camilo are already seated outside on the cafe’s patio. Tom takes a bite out of his breakfast sandwich, watching silently as Camilo types away on his phone. 

“You know,” Tom says between bites, staring at his older brother, “I thought you wanted to grab breakfast to have one of those “do better in class” or “you need to help more at the restaurant” chats or maybe you were even mad about game night last week,” this captures Camilo’s attention and he arches a brow at Tom causing a smirk to cross Tom’s face as he continues, “I mean we can’t all win all the time, you know, but I know it can hurt when you’ve lost Monopoly three weeks in a row. I get it. You can let it out.” 

Camilo laughs, sitting his phone on the table before shooting Tom a look of disbelief, “The only reason you won is because you’re a cheater.” 

Tom takes on a shocked expression and coughs before taking a slip of water, “Me?! A cheater? I’ll have you know that my brother is a man of the law and I would never.” 

Camilo snorts and shakes his head with a grin, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. How are you doing in class actually?”

Tom rolls his eyes, chewing on his sandwich before answering, “Fine.”

Camilo arches his brow.

“Fine, fine,” Tom chuckles and grins, “I’m doing great actually. One of my professors asked me to join him at this conference next month to present my project on family owned businesses.”

“Hm,” Camilo nods thoughtfully, finally taking a bite from his own food, “Can’t lie and say I’m not impressed.”

“Hey,” Tom shrugs, “I’ve come a long way since my first semester. You should give me some credit.” 

Camilo grins, “Oh, I will. That way you can start filing the taxes for everyone and‒”

“Oh, don’t start,” Tom interrupts with a roll of eyes, “You can spare me the list of responsibilities I get to inherit.”

Camilo shrugs, taking another bite, “As long as you know they’re coming.” 

Tom grumbles, making Camilo chuckle as they continue eating.

“So,” Camilo starts thoughtfully and Tom glances at him suspiciously .

“What?” Tom asks, eyes slightly narrowed.

“You checked in on Nia lately?” Camilo asks casually, taking a sip of coffee.

“Oh,” Tom relaxes, “Yeah, I texted her the other day. Said that Nicky was getting out of the hospital yesterday.”

Camilo’s lips press into a fine line, “Yeah, I know.”

Tom chuckles, taking a sip of his drink. He knows his brother never really had a liking for Nicky, but Camilo would never share exactly why. Everyone else seemed to like Nicky well enough and he was always happy to help their friend group get out of trouble when they let Rachel talk them into doing something stupid and Tom needed to avoid calling his own brother. 

“You don’t sound too keen about it,” Tom offers jokingly. 

Camilo flickers his eyes to his brother and sighs, “I…” he says to debate for a moment before speaking again, “You know I’m only saying this because Nia and Rachel are your friends. But I’d keep an eye out for Horne.”

Surprised, Tom pauses, licking a bit of mustard from his finger, “What? Why?” 

Camilo hesitates, looking down at his plate.

Concerned, Tom arches a brow, “Did you find something out working on his case or something?”

Camilo laughs at this, “Nothing I didn’t already know.”

“Okay, now I’m confused,” Tom frowns, sitting his sandwich down, “Is Nicky dangerous or something?”

“Very,” Camilo replies matter of factly. 

“ _ What _ ?” Tom is shocked, “Come on.  _ Nicky _ ? You’re joking, right?”

Camilo looks at him with a straight face, expression saying that he is definitely not joking.

“Wait…” Tom shakes his head, leaning forward, “Does Nia know that?”

Camilo arches a brow and shrugs, “You tell me, she’s your friend.”

Leaning back, Tom crosses his arms over his chest in thought, “I’d say there’s a good chance that she doesn’t… I mean what kind of dangerous are we talking about? He’s just a detective like you, doesn’t he just do the same stuff you do? There’s been guys after you and we’ve always been fine.” 

“Yeah,” Camilo nods, jaw clenched, “But I don’t make deals with them. I do my job, I do what’s right. I  _ actually  _ follow the law. Nicky doesn’t always do that and I’m sick of him getting away with it.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Tom exaggerates in a rush, “Nicky is what? Dirty? On someone’s payroll?” 

Camilo doesn’t provide a straight answer and Tom can only shake his head in disbelief. He would have never assumed that. He met Nicky after meeting up with Rachel at one of the station’s family events, some campaign to bring the community together or whatever. Nicky always seemed to take his job seriously while still being a cool guy, but as Camilo shared more with him… Well, it made sense why his brother has a distaste for Nicky now.

Tom glances up at Camilo, chewing on his lip, “Is that why someone set up the accident?”

Camilo sighs, “I don’t know exactly. Unfortunately Horne is a bit… complicated.”

“Wow,” Tom mumbles, “So he’s really in some shit, huh?”

_ And Nia probably has no idea _ … 

Camilo chuckles sadly, “Yeah and I’m going to figure out exactly what the hell is going on. Whatever it is, it can’t keep going on like this.”

“But…” Tom frowns, scratching the back of his head, “Didn’t Nicky help lock up that big time guy? In the news? What was his name? Luke?”

Camilo’s jaw clenches once again, “Lucas… Lucas Koh. I don’t know why the hell Horne did that, or even actually how. But there has to be a motive.” 

“Well, couldn’t the accident just have been like payback? Maybe Nicky’s trying to straighten out?” Tom suggests.

With a snort, Camilo shakes his head, “Sometimes it’s not that simple. You know I can’t tell you anything else.”

Tom huffs and rolls his eyes, drumming his fingers against the table, “This is exactly why I don’t want to do what you do. This is too much for me.”

Camilo laughs, “You know I’m actually glad, gives me one less thing to worry about. But you should watch out for Nia and Rachel. Just make sure they’re okay? You see anything out of the ordinary and you call  _ me _ , alright?” 

Tom nods his head without question, “Yeah. You know I will, anything to help.” 

As breakfast continues with lighter topics and conversation, Tom can’t push the idea out of his head that Nicky is to blame for the accident. He’s the reason why Nia got hurt in the first place and now? It seems like she’s only growing closer to Rachel’s brother and she’s been caught in a crossfire already.

Tom’s heart seizes, knowing that Nia may eventually end up in even more danger. And Rachel? What could she know? Did he even really know his friend? She got into trouble, sure. But to be dealing with organized crime? 

_ No _ . She wouldn’t, her heart was too soft under the mischievous spirit. And Nia would get nervous just smoking pot so there’s no way she was capable of being involved in whatever Nicky has going on. 

But Tom just couldn’t fight this nagging feeling in the back of his head. He cared about both of his friends, sure, but Nia was involved with Nicky by choice. 

Chewing his lip, he wondered if perhaps he could do something to help her? He didn’t want to be responsible for breaking her and Nicky up or anything like that, but… He wanted her to be safe. 

But how? 

“You know,” Tom blurts out of the blue, “I think I’ll go by Nia and Rachel’s today actually.” 

A few minutes later, Tom is heading up the steps of their apartment complex, a cheerful bounce in his step as he approaches the door. He didn’t really have a plan or anything and despite the information his brother shared that morning, he was happy to see his friend out of the hospital and in better health. 

With a grin, he knocks on the door and waits patiently.

It takes longer than usual, but finally the door cracks open a sliver and he sees Nia peeking from around the door, puffy eyes red, cheeks wet and flushed, her short hair messy and shooting in every direction like she just crawled out of bed.

“Nia,” the grin he wore falls instantly in concern and he takes a step towards her, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Nia hesitates, biting her lip, “What? No. Wait, no, I mean yes,” she shakes her head and gives a hollow laugh, the sound breaking his heart. Rolling her lips, she glances up at him, “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t want you here,” she adds quickly, running a hand through her hair, trying to play it cool as she quickly wipes her cheek. 

“I just wasn’t expecting you,” she continues in a rush, “I thought maybe Rachel left her key or something and I was just about to get in the shower and, I um...” She rubs her arm, looking down at her feet as she bites her lip, realizing she’s starting to ramble. 

Tom reaches for her with a sad chuckle, pulling her into a tight hug, “And you were about to walk the dog you don’t have and you were going to buy tickets to the moon and maybe even stop by Denzel Washington’s house, huh?” 

With a laugh, Nia buries her face in his chest and returns his hug, trying to will herself to enjoy the comfort he offers. But despite his attempt to cheer her up, she carries a weighted sadness on her shoulders. 

With an understanding between friends, they sway lightly as Tom gives her the time she needs to speak simply holding her and hoping she can feel his compassion through his action. 

“Whatever it is, it’s okay,” he tells her a moment later, “You don’t have to talk about it now.” 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, struggling to hold it together as his hands begin to rub up and down her back, “I’m a mess. You know I can’t ever control my freaking emotions. I’m so stupid.”

“First of all,” Tom pulls back, hands on her shoulders now as he leans down to meet her eyes, “You’re not stupid. Literally the smartest person I know,” she cracks a sad smile at this. 

“Second of all,” he continues, offering her a smile, “It’s okay to be upset. You’ve been through a lot lately. I’m here for you. If you want to talk about it, cool. If not, cool,” he pulls her back into a hug, squeezing her tightly this time and lightly tickling her sides to draw out some laughter, “But I’m not leaving you alone until I know you’re alright.”

“Okay, okay,” Nia giggles a bit as she pulls away, using both hands to wipe her cheeks before she blows out a deep breath, “Come inside first.”

Moving out the way so she can close the door behind him, Tom enters the apartment. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, they head towards the couch where Nia plops down with a defeated sigh, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. 

Taking the seat beside her, Tom eyes her cautiously, multiple thoughts running through his mind. Was it something to do with the accident? Was it something Nicky did? Her parents? A falling out with Miki? 

“So…” he starts, biting his lip as Nia’s sunken expression tugs at his heart, “Do you wanna talk about it or…?”

Nia snorts, staring down at her hands, “Not particularly. But everyone will find out eventually.”

Tom arches a brow at this and frowns, squeezing her shoulder, “What happened?” 

He didn’t think it was possible for Nia to look any sadder, but he was wrong. Her face drops even more and she looks away as another tear forms in the corner of her eye.

“Me and Nicky got into an argument,” she mumbles, wrapping her arms around herself as she stares down at her feet.

“About what?” Tom asks sincerely. Focused on comforting Nia in the moment, he ignores the stir of anger in his chest at the realization that Nicky made her cry like this. 

Nia rolls her eyes and lets out a sad laugh, “Well, it was less of an argument and more of...” she closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath before swallowing a lump in her throat.

“It was more like Nicky breaking up with me,” she says in a rush. 

Tom stares at her blankly, “ _He_ _what_?” 

“He broke up with me,” She snaps in annoyance of having to repeat herself and Tom leans away in surprise at her sharp tone. His stunted silence instantly makes Nia regret her outburst.

Holding her face in her hands, she groans, on the edge of tears again, “I’m so sorry, Tom. I’m just so mad about the whole thing, but I can’t take that out on you. I’m so so sorry. I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey hey,” He soothes, wrapping his arm back around her shoulder and snuggling her into his side, “It’s fine, I get it. Break-ups are hard.”

Nia simply nods, burying her face into his side as she sniffs, trying to hold back her tears. 

“Go on,” he encourages, “Let it out. What happened?” 

Nia is silent for a few moments, taking a couple deep breaths before she begins talking again. 

“Well, I went over this morning. It’s his first full day out of the hospital and I wanted to help, make breakfast, that kind of thing… Just, ya know, make sure he didn’t need anything,” she sighs, wiping her cheek, “I wasn’t even there for like five minutes before he… cleared things up for me.”

Tom frowns, arching a brow as he listens, “What do you mean?”

Nia seems to attempt to bury herself into the couch, using Tom’s arm as a shield. She avoids his eyes and wraps her arms more tightly around herself. 

“It’s so embarrassing, Tom,” she mumbles quietly, “Like so embarrassing. He told me that we were just friends.”

“No way,” He says matter-of-fact, shocked once again, “No fucking way he told you that.”

Nia snorts, picking at the seam in her pants, “He definitely told me that.”

“But,” Tom slowly shakes his head in confusion, “I thought… Well, Rachel told us about that night and she made it seem like you two were together... Well, I thought after you got home, you might as well have stayed in the hospital with him,” both of them chuckle lightly at this before he continues with a shake of his head, “You literally helped nurse him back to health. I’m confused.” 

“You and me both,” Nia mumbles.

“So he just told you that you were just friends and that was it?” Tom asks with a frown.

“Well, not exactly…” Nia replies, biting her lip, “Things just escalated and you know me, Tom,” she glances up at him with sigh, “I got pissed. I know Nicky too well to think… That, like, he would just toss me away…” her lower lip trembles, “He didn’t even let me down gently like we haven’t known each other forever. Why would he flip on me like this?”

Her question makes Tom hesitate as he meets her eyes. This is the first time that she’s actually made eye contact since he came through the door. And despite the dampness on her cheeks from broken-hearted tears, they look hopeful as if maybe he can confirm her doubts that Nicky wouldn’t break her heart like this and  _ mean  _ it. 

Tom could give her hope, tell her that she’s right and that it made no sense for Nicky to fight with her and break her heart. A part of Tom actually did believe that there was more going on here than meets the eye because why would Nicky break up with a girl like Nia without reason? 

She was a great friend, creative, always there when someone needed her. She was pretty and fit, not that Tom ever really gave much thought to her physical appearance but he recognized good looks when he saw them. Nia could catch an attitude at times, but her heart was pure. She was a full-package and always had a little flame for Nicky so it was hard for Tom to comprehend why Nicky wouldn’t want to be with her. 

Yet at the end of the day, to each to their own… And of course, as Nia’s friend, Tom is aware that he would have his own bias. But from what he knew of their relationship, something just keeps nagging at the back of his head, knowing something is suspicious. 

Tom could give Nia the motivation that she needed to go back and knock on Nicky’s door to demand the truth, whatever that was. But yet… Camilo’s warning sends off alarms. 

Perhaps Nicky breaking up with Nia  _ is  _ for the best? 

It might hurt her now, but she would be safe in the long run, right? Tom and their friends could help her get through it, keep her mind off Nicky. That’s the best remedy for a break up, he knew from his own experience. 

And so, his decision was made. 

Looking down at Nia, Tom squeezes her into his side, resting his cheek against the top of her head, “I have to be honest. I have no clue why Nicky would do that to you. You’re amazing. Like the smartest girl I know, the most creative girl I know. Hell, even one of the prettiest girls I know.”

Nia chuckles sadly, biting her lip, but she doesn’t respond. 

“And look,” Tom continues, “If Nicky can’t see how great you are. Fuck him.”

Nia leans up in surprise, eyes wide, “What?”

“Fuck him,” Tom repeats with a shrug, “I’m serious as hell. Look at you, Nia. You’re too good for him. If he let you go, then that’s on him. And trust me, I know he’ll look back and feel like the biggest dumbass in history. But if he really took advantage of you and then broke up with you  _ the day he gets out of the hospital _ , after everything you did? No offense to Rachel, but he’s an asshole.” 

“But…” Nia glances away, chewing on her lip.

Tom grasps her shoulders and turns her back to meet his eyes, “You don’t need him. You have to take care of yourself. After everything you’ve been through? You are so strong, Nia but you don’t need him weighing you down.” 

Nia is silent for a moment as she considers. Tom has no idea what’s running through her mind, but eventually she nods. 

“You know what?” She says, nodding more defiantly now, “You’re right. You are so right.” 

Tom cracks her a half-smile, “I know. And I know it hurts now. It's fresh, but you’ll get through it. I promise. I’m here for you. We’ll all be here for you, Miki, Rachel, Harry…” 

Nia finally cracks a more genuine smile and nods before wrapping Tom in a tight hug. 

He chuckles in surprise before hugging her in return. Once again quiet for a few moments as Nia processes her emotions. 

“Thanks,” Nia eventually mumbles into his chest, “I needed that pep talk.” 

“No problem,” he grins, “I’ll make sure to give you one everyday until you don’t need it anymore.”

Nia laughs and rubs her eyes as she pulls away, “Thanks. I’m probably going to need it for a while.” 

“You call me whenever, alright?” Tom squeezes her arm and she nods. 

“I should probably take that shower now,” Nia says with a laugh, “I look a mess.”

“Yeah…” Tom agrees much too quickly, a cheeky grin on his face. 

“Jerk,” Nia rolls her eyes and playfully shoves him, making him laugh.

“Mercy,” he says with a chuckle, rubbing his arm where she shoved him, “Look how about this, have you eaten?”

Nia glances at him as she shakes her head sheepishly.

“Well, while you take a shower, I’ll go pick you up something to eat,” he wiggles his brows, “Andddd ice cream?”

Nia perks up, “Ice cream?”

He grins, “What flavor?”

“You already know,” Nia returns his grin as she stands.

He laughs as he stands to leave, “Got it. I’ll be right back. But take your time,” Tom takes her by the arms and looks into her eyes, “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Nia nods, a slight grin on her face, “Yeah. Okay, mom.” 

“Call me what you want, but I refuse to let you just sit around and be sad. Nope, it’s not happening,” he grins at her and shrugs. With a laugh, they hug one more time before Tom heads out the apartment.

Closing the door behind him, Tom shakes his head before letting out a deep sigh. A slight guilt is edging along his mind at what he knows, but he ignores it. 

Nia’s safety is the most important thing. And if she thought that Nicky broke up with her because it might be dangerous for her? Well, she’d dive in head first to protect him and demand the truth. She’s much too stubborn to let life get in the way of the people she loves. 

And then if that wasn’t the case? Well, either way Tom was helping to spare Nia the heartbreak.

Yet… He can’t help but wonder if that's really his decision to make? 

**Author's Note:**

> Please share your thoughts and feels! I love hearing what you think!


End file.
